Isnt jokes

My owl turned 180 today.

He isn’t old, he just has a bad neck.

It isn't a real charity until India opens call centers, like they did with Africa.

So I added Paul Walker on Xbox the other day, and it’s annoying cause all he does is sit on the dashboard.

Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"

Man: "Yes!"

Reporter: "Name?"

Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."

Reporter: "Sex?"

Man: "Three to five times a week."

Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"

Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."

Reporter: "Holy cow!"

Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."

Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"

Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."

Reporter: "Oh dear!"

Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."

If you cut off your head, you can't breathe.

You also can't breathe if you die.

So why isn't it debreathiation?

If a kid does not go to sleep during nap time, isn't he resisting a rest?

You wanna know why Stephen Hawking isn't going to heaven?

Because it's a stairway, not a ramp.

What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese. Okay, I can't do this anymore.

(This isn't really a joke btw anyway.) SpongeBob, me boy, ye ruptured me intestines with that massive c*ck of yours, agahgahagahagahagah!

You’ll parsley believe how many puns I have. Hopefully your funny-bone isn’t broken because these are real rib-ticklers.

What goes in and comes out and makes you feel good but isn't sexual?

(Insulin)

Rape isn't funny unless she's laughing, too.

Stephen Hawking said God isn’t real, and the Priest put a boot on his tire. 😂😂😂

Son - Dad, I've been expelled from school for having sex with a girl in my class.

Dad - Son, that's the 2nd school this year! Maybe teaching isn't for you!

I dropped my phone the other day when a guy picked up my phone and started to put it in his pocket.

I said, "Hey, that's my phone," and he said, "First of all, my name isn't 'Hey', it's Jay. Second of all, it's an iPhone, not a 'myPhone'. Get it right."

I need to get new shoes; one of these isn’t right.

This isn't a joke, just an American back-to-school list.

1. Pencils

2. Binders

3. Paper

4. Pencil sharpener.

What, did you think I was going to make a school shooter joke?

A man has a terminal illness and isn't sure how long he has left to live, so he talks to his doctor. The man asks, "How long am I going to live?"

The doctor says, "Depends, what time is it?" The doctor then looks at his watch and says, "10".

The man asks, "Ten what?"

Then the doctor keeps going, "6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1".

Q: What do you call an elephant that isn't important?

A: My sister.

A man and a cow are stuck on train tracks, and there is a train in the distance about to hit both of them. A vegan sees this and tries to help. Who does he save, the man or the cow?

Neither. He isn't strong enough to lift either of them.