Intelligence jokes

What do you call a smart booty?

A wise-crack!

A blond, a brunette, and a redhead walked into a bar. The bartender told them there was a magic mirror in the bathroom. He said that if you spoke the truth in front of the mirror, you would have your greatest desires, but if you told a lie, you would disappear.

The redhead said that she was the prettiest girl in the bar, and she walked out of the bathroom, and she got a thousand dollars. The brunette walked in and said she was the smartest one in the bar. She walked out of the bar with a new car. The blonde went in, she said, "I think..." poof, she was gone.

Who needs storage on a computer? Just use an Asian's brain.

You smell like you farted hard. A, B, Honor Roll, all F’s, you retarded!

Yo mama so stupid, she thought a donut was dough shaped like a nut.

Inside a room full of squares, buckets, and tints, there are two inspectors. One is called Mr. Right, the other one is called Mr. Wrong. Because of their names, the first one is trusted more than the second one.

Mr. Wrong eventually got tired of that and worked on a plan for how more people could trust him. He took a jigsaw and he started to cut into his brain and sawed away half of his brain. It was still working.

Then he took a loaf of toast, cut it into half and glued it on his head, and then he made a strawberry cream and sprayed it on the toast. Because people couldn't recognize him as "Mr. Wrong," he was able to solve more cases.

You're so retarded, if there was a clone of you that was supposed to be smart, it would still be retarded.

My boyfriend entered a retarded contest, but they said no because they don’t allow perfectionists.

You smell like you farted. FARTED harted HARTED. A B honor rolls, all F's, you retarded. OHHHHHHHH!

Stupid joke about Stephen Hawking that wasn't funny the first fucking time.

Why can't blondes make ice?

They forgot the recipe.

The president of the USA is so damn stupid. His mother must have taken Tylenol while she was pregnant with him, or something.

You know what really grinds my gears? Robots and liars...for example that Stephen Hawking fella. He sure looks and sounds like a robot!! And a major liar too! If he wanted to show me how smart he really was he would have figured out how to get up out of that four wheeler and tell me how smart he is!!!!!

Yo momma's so stupid, she starved to death in a grocery store.

Yo mama so stupid, she asks for the restroom on Amazon.

Yo mama so stupid that she sat on the TV and watched the couch.

We are in a matrix, wake up.

Why did my brother cross the road?

Because he was looking for his brain.

Yo forehead is so big, Albert Einstein couldn’t figure out the measurement of it!

You're so bald, I can see what's on your mind.

Person 1: How smart are you?

Person 2: Really smart.

Person 1: Ok. If you have 3 ghosts and take away 2, how many are left?

Person 2: 1 ghost is left.

Person 1: Wrong! 0 ghosts are left because ghosts don't exist!