INS jokes
I've seen more charisma in a wet mop than in BLESSEDBRIAN'S personality.
What do you call a baby in the shower? A baby in the shower.
If your house is cold, just stand in the corner. It's always 90 degrees there.
Shorts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin. When it's sniff, stick it in. It goes in dry and comes out wet, And the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag.
It's not what you think it is. It's a Lipton tea bag.
Get your mind together!
A Scouser at ground zero just after the twin towers fell asks a passer-by, "What time is it, mate?"
An American replies, "That's a mad accent, where are you from?"
The Scouser says, "Liverpool."
The American says, "Oh, what state is that in?"
The Scouser looks around and says, "About the same state as this, mate, but what time is it?"
What do they feed a gorilla in Paris?
Ape Suzettes.
What do orphans, parents, and a ball have in common?
If you throw them, they both will never come back.
"Hey, today was great!"
"What happened?"
"I ran into my ex today."
"What's so great about that?"
"I was in my car!"
Why did the human eat cereal in the bathroom?
So he could querk.
What do you call a wild party in a bamboo forest?
Panda-monium!
My dad died during 9/11, he was the best pilot in all Saudi Arabia.
Schools in the hood are kind of the same thing. I always seem to get shot.
Why do men get great ideas in bed?
'Cause they are plugged into a genius!
Girl: I’m so in love with you!
Boy: Me too. I think you’re abcdefghijk: aesthetic, beautiful, cool, determined, elegant, famous, hot.
Girl: What’s the ijk?
Boy: I’m just kidding.
Barack Obama and Tork Poettschke are at the Natural History Museum. They stop in front of a showcase.
"These are the eggs from the ostrich!"
"Aha, and where are Trump's eggs?"
A science teacher got on the Space Shuttle Challenger after winning a contest out of 11,000 other teachers.
Imagine being one of the losing teachers in that contest, watching the Space Shuttle Challenger, and thinking, "Talking about dodging a bullet!"
You dream in 4K.
I was in class and we had to choose another term for words we use everyday. For kid, I chose "child"; for dog, I chose "pet"; and for wife, I chose "dishwasher."
I saw an orphan on the street. I said, "Where are your parents?" He cried and said, "My mum and dad died in a car crash!" 😆😆😂😂🤣
Why are there not that many phones in China? Because there’s too much Wing and Wong, so they will "wing" the wrong number.