INS jokes
He placed the chocolates and the flowers down beside her.
Silence...
And then at last she spoke...
"Unexpected item in the bagging area."
What does a killer say in the shower in the morning?
- Splish splash, I'm gonna slash...
Me in the middle of the night boiling water.
Me talking to my brother: How do you make holy water?
My brother: How?
Me: You boil the hell out of it.
One day I was at church. I had to sit down. I said, "Who in the world stinks?" I looked down. Turns out it was me, and this is not a joke, but funny.
You know, it takes a lot of balls to successfully compete in women’s sports as a man.
me in my pics
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? Because his wife died.
What's the difference between a priest and McDonald's? They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.
Why does Michael Jackson do positions with kids in photos? Because they won’t do the same for him.
Women have eggs and milk in them...
And they say that they don't belong in the kitchen.
Did you hear about the homosexual letter? It only came in male boxes.
A pair of Newfoundlanders, watching TV, saw endless big-budget advertisements for mass-produced American beer.
One Newfie turns to the other and says, "They say that stuff is the biggest seller in the States, but I don't see what the big deal is." So they buy a bottle, pour it into a plain jar and decide to get an expert opinion.
They send a sample to a lab in St. John's to have it analyzed.
A day later, the lab results come back: "Your horse has diabetes."
Waiter says, "Sir, we ran out of ranch, so I had the boys in the back improvise. But don't worry... It has even more zip & twang to it!"
In Ohio, people walk with their hands.
Your hairline so bad that when your teacher puts you to sit in the front of the class, your hairline be all the way in the back.
Who are the fastest readers ever? 9/11 victims, they went through 89 stories in 7 seconds.
What's the difference between a Lambo and a pile of dead kids?
I don't have a Lambo in my garage.
I made a joke about putting babies in the microwave and got told I was a disgusting person.
So from now on I’ll only make baby in the deep fryer jokes.
After all the mudslides in the area, the streets became a mudder out there.
What is the definition of Hell, a city in the state of Michigan?
How many Emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they sit in the dark crying.
None, they sit in the dark cutting their wrists.