INS jokes
69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and said, "Hot Wheels!"
Why can't the toilet paper cross the road? It was stuck in a crack.
What does a phone and a grandma have in common? They both die.
What's the difference between them? If you shove something up your grandma's ass, she won't come back to life.
A bully told an orphan to cry to his parents, so he did.
His adoptive parents were very supportive about the situation, and everything was settled. He died in an accident a day later.
How many fat people are in my house?
20, counting the kids in the basement.
He's got a massive f*cking cock, Ayew, Ayew. He tucks it in his football sock, Ayew, Ayew. Shagged a bird and now she's dead, Swung his cock around her head, Jordan Ayew Palace number nine.
Bully: Ur momma so fat that the whales said we are family even though you are a little bigger than us.
Nerd: Yo momma so ugly that when she went in the bathtub, the water jumped out.
Silence...................punch!
Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers.
What do you and orphans have in common?
Nobody loves you.
A horse walks into a bar. Several people get up and leave, realizing the potential danger in the situation.
What's the one thing me and the New Year's ball have in common?
It's not gonna be the only thing falling 50 stories this New Year's.
Yo mama is so fat that when she walks, she causes earthquakes. She is so big that she has her own zip code and gravity field. She is so heavy that she needs a crane to get out of bed. She is so obese that she can't fit in any clothes, except for a circus tent. She is so large that she blocks the sun and causes eclipses.
I threw a boomerang years ago. Now I live in constant fear.
The double slit experiment shows light particles are a wave that assemble in your presence. And you didn't even have to say a word!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Stranger.
Stranger who?
Stranger, why are you in my house masticating my apparent dead wife?
Yo mamma so dumb, she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50 Cent.
How do you get 50 hungry kids into a box? You put a can of beans in there.
How do you get 50 hungry kids out of a box? You run past with a can opener.
Russian history in 5 words: "And then things got worse."
Who are the fastest readers in the world? New Yorkers. They went through 110 stories in under 10 seconds.