INS jokes
I heard the man who invented Autocorrect died; may he rest in peace.
What's better than 5 babies in one dumpster?
1 baby in 5 dumpsters.
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?
Get in the car.
My mom's name is Angel, and she is nothing like one!
Especially in bed...
Did you know the letter "F" in orphan stands for family?
How do you blind an Asian?
Put a windshield in front of them.
What does a sex offender and Santa have in common?
They will come down your "chimney" tonight.
My wife said, "Why oh why have you ordered carpet, our house is lovely?"
Thankfully the carpet was put to good use in the end, no more stupid comments coming from a rolled up Emily in the bottom of the ocean!
There were two sisters. They said they were supporting nine eleven, so I shot one of the sister's kneecaps, and the other sister got shot in the head.
I always wear Puma, put my balls in your mouth.
It's the Olympics.
Q) Why did the man decide not to run in his race? A) Because of Olympiad.
You are in the airway, how funny!
My grandfather never threw anything away, bless him. He died in the war holding on to a hand grenade.
What’s got 4 wheels, does a barrel roll, and goes from green to red in seconds?
Kermit in a car crash.
There were three men in a car: the driver, a homeless man, and a rapper. The driver takes them to the woods and says, "I'm not really a cab driver, I'm a wanted killer." The homeless man says, "I'm not really homeless," and pulls out a chain. The rapper says, "If we're gonna be completely honest, I'm not a rapper, I'm a cop!"
Why did Susie get cut from the soccer team? She has no legs!
Who broke into my house by kicking down my door? Not Susie... But she still is in my basement, since she can't run!
What do you call two Mexicans at a country restaurant? "Two beaners in a cracker house."
Why is it cold in hospitals?
To keep the vegetables cold and fresh.
In the Bible, it says Jesus died for our sins, but he came back to life, so what did he sacrifice?
Was it a weekend to wash away our sins?
What do Call of Duty and Al-Qaeda goals have in common?
You’ve got to get more than one down.