INS jokes
What do Woody and Hitler have in common?
Their bodies go limp before they get caught.
In what city do you always lose your mum? Mumbai.
What a day yesterday was! I got a promotion, and my sister's killer was hit by a bus. Now I'm in a cast!
They call it the Cold War because Russia is cold in 2 ways.
"When is the best time to commit suicide?"
Ate a Glock in the morning.
A Chinese drunk and a Jewish drunk are sitting together on a park bench.
After finishing his drink, the Jew takes his bottle and smashes it over the head of the Chinese drunk.
"What the hell was that for?" asks the Chinese man, rubbing his head.
"That was for Pearl Harbor!" replies the Jewish drunk.
"Pearl Harbor? That was the Japanese! I'm Chinese!" he exclaims in return.
"Eh, Chinese, Japanese, Korean... you're all the same to me," the Jewish man explains as he gets up to leave.
The next day, the two drunks are back on the same park bench. The Chinese drunk suddenly takes his bottle and smashes it over the head of the Jew.
"Why the hell did you do that?" the Jewish man stammers.
"That was for the Titanic!" explains the Chinese drunk.
"The Titanic? What are you talking about? No one attacked it, it sunk when it hit an iceberg!" the Jew replies.
"Eh, Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg... you're all the same to me," the Chinese drunk happily retorts.
I was in the bank one day, and this old lady asked me to check her balance. So I pushed her over.
I went to visit my friend who is a stand up comedian and I asked him, "Why do you have so much art supplies, clothing fabrics, and building supplies in your basement?"
He responded with, "I don't know what it is people think I need it all for, but almost every time I perform, people tell me I need new material!"
what does an orphanage and a hospital have in common?
people go there to fix their mistakes.
My friend who is in a wheelchair told me a joke, and I burst out laughing. I told him he should be a stand-up comedian.
The closest thing in a depressed person's life is a knife and his/her throat.
Did you hear? There's a new fast food restaurant coming: Jacko in the Box.
What does my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can't be found.
Why do self-harmers "draw" on their arms?
Because everything they do is in vein.
Punchline: "Vain" sounds similar to "Vein".
What's the smallest stick in the world?
Your man's dick.
I really like those "driverless cars." I saw loads of them last week in the car park.
The fat kid asked the teacher, "Is Godzilla real?" The teacher said, "They're standing right in front of me."
Why is "T" well-respected, but more in its lowercase form?
It crossed the line with Jesus.
How do you say "Brazier" in German?
Stop 'em from floppin' (German accent)
What do a girl and a bar have in common?
A- Liquor in the front, poker in the back!