INS jokes

Every time I come straight home from work, you're in the bed asleep and back there dead like a vampire in a casket.

Then the next thing I noticed, you just came back from the dead in no time, dummy.

How do orphans have a family reunion? They look in the mirror.

Why can’t girls in the Middle East smoke weed?

Because they’ll get stoned.

Q: What kind of person has 100% ambition and never gives up if someone gets in their way?

A: A rapist.

What's the difference between a Christian and a child who believes Santa exists?

Nothing. They both believe in fairytales!

What's black, blue, and red, laying in a ditch?

You after you disrespect me.

The smartest kid in my class says "is-land" instead of "island."

So, I heard the CEO gave her daughter a really good spot in the company.

Everyone is mad, but I think it just goes to show that it pays to sleep with your boss.

Why can’t Michael Jackson go more than 500 feet into a school?

Because he’s dead.

What do Miss Reeves and Michael Jackson have in common?

They both have a touchy feeling for kids.

A teacher says, "If you have one dollar and your parents give you 5 dollars, how much do you have?"

Everyone raised their hands except for a little girl in the front, but the teacher called on her anyway.

The girl said, "My parents left me, so I would have one dollar."

I got kicked out of the library because I put the woman's right book in the non-fiction section.

I was walking down the street one day and I passed the gun store. I walked in and everything was half off. I didn't know back to school sales had started already.

What’s the most played song in Africa?

Have you ever seen the rain?

John: Hi, boss, it is raining heavily today, so I will not be coming.

Boss: You stated in your job application that swimming was your hobby, so see you at 11 AM.

What do you call a monkey in a minefield?

A baboom.

In about ten days, Stephen Hawking's wheelchair is going to have its first and last service.

Do you know when the thing of you when the was is where you and if you when you where if I and you where in the thing is where yes?

If you were on the Titanic and you didn't leave the ship, what would you do? Just let that sink in.

When the speedbump in a school zone screams, so you go faster.