INS jokes
What does a cannibal and a spider have in common?
Both have eight legs.
What do you call Helen Keller in a pitch black, sound proof room?
Unnecessary.
2020 was the first time Kobe had passed in years.
I live in China and we have no food. We have to eat Chinese food, so I called my dog over.
Unfortunately, I had bad luck and faced infidelity.
Picture this: the bedroom door opens and I see my girlfriend in bed with two men...
I didn’t expect her to come back so early.
What do a blonde chick and a field of wheat have in common?
They're both bound to get plowed at some point in time.
How do you fit 100 babies in a bowl? A blender.
How do you get them out? Tortilla chips.
Who are the fastest readers?
9/11 victims because they went through 80 stories in 10 seconds. 😂
Son: Why is my sister’s name Paris?
Dad: Because we conceived her in Paris.
Son: Thanks, Dad.
Dad: No problem, Quarantine.
A Story:
I lived in a small house. Behind my house was a big forest. If I went in the forest, then I heard scary sounds. That was very dreadful. I had a son. He was 9 years old. One day he went into the forest and did not come back. I called the police, but it couldn't help. I went looking. I really wanted my son Robby back. I missed him so! With a flashlight and compass, I went into the dark, eerie forest. Then the noises came again, but this time I also heard a scream. A scream from a nine year old child. It was Robby, certainly! I stopped in front of a tunnel.
Sequel follows...
What does the F in orphan stand for?
FAMILY 😭😭
*IT'S DEPRESSING THIS PAGE EXISTS*
Don't criticize someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. So, when you criticize them, they won't be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you'll have their shoes.
Say what you want against pedophiles, but they slow down in school zones.
My biology teacher told us "get out nice and sharp colored pencils." Does she mean as sharp as in the blades I use to cut myself?
I got fired from the library in the first 30 minutes because I "womens rights" in the sci-fi fiction section.
Three nuns are on their way up to heaven after having been involved in a terrible minibus crash on the Italian Alps that killed them and the driver (he went the other direction!).
As they're approaching the Pearly Gates to be interviewed by St. Peter, they are requested by an attendant to form a single line and wait. Sister Agnes is first, Sister Bernadette behind her and Sister Carmel on the end.
Finally, St. Peter approaches the nuns to determine their worthiness for entry to Heaven.
He says to the first nun: "Sister Agnes, have you ever seen the penis of a man?"
Sister Agnes bursts into tears and says: "Yes, St. Peter, I have, but please don't let this prevent me from entering the Kingdom of Heaven."
St. Peter says: "Never fear, my child. Say a thousand Hail Marys and then go over to that font of Holy Water and wash your eyes out, then you shall enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
Sister Carmel sees what's going on and taps Sister Bernadette on the shoulder, somewhat urgently.
"Pssst - hey Bernie"!, she says.
Sister Bernadette asks: "What is it?" A little annoyed.
Sister Carmel says: "Do you mind if we swap places"?
Sister Bernadette replies: "What for"?
Sister Carmel says: "Well, I wouldn't mind gargling before you stick your ass in there!"
Yo mamma so stupid, she starved to death in a grocery store.
I sleep in a castle once every 2 weeks.
It's my fort knight.
I put the D in Children.
Q: Why was the leper hockey game cancelled?
A: There was a face off in the corner.