INS jokes
Two magicians were in a competition. The first one did magic, and the second started counting down, "3, 2," but before he said the last number, he 1.
The "d" in Africa stands for democracy...
I was on the Official Cristiano Ronaldo website when suddenly my Anti-Virus software showed an alert on my screen! The notification read "WARNING: FRAUD DETECTED!" I was shocked but not surprised.
Penaldo has been finished for years after all, and he often ghosts in big games.
What do Christmas decorations and dead people have in common?
They both hang from a tree!
To the guy in a wheelchair who stole my camouflage coat: you can hide, but you can't run.
If WW3 starts, I do, in fact, belong in the kitchen.
Why do orphans get in trouble at school?
Because the school doesn't have any parents to report to.
What's green, red, and spins at 4000rpm?
A frog in a blender.
All of a guy's sons came out gay. He ordered 10 shots in a bar.
The bartender asks, "Do you have anyone in your family who likes women?"
The man said, "My wife does!"
What is similar between a ton of kids and some boxes?
Both of those are commonly found in basements.
What part in the body does an adult not need but actually needs to live?
A KIDNey!
What was the first animal in space?
The cow that jumped over the moon!
Some dude: Water you thinking?
Me: You're drowning in my head.
What do clothes and emo kids have in common?
They both get hung.
Why was the chicken screaming?
He had an egg stuck in his butt.
When you're so rich that you can buy anything, you end up getting a cow in your living room. Yeah, anyways, my ex is still in my living room.
So I had an idea: you and a friend go bar (pub (whatever you call it)) hopping and propose to said friend in each one so everyone buys you free drinks and you get drunk and have a great time.
Your hairline is in a different area code.
What do you call an orphan in a wheelchair running into fire?
Hot wheels.
There’s a woman cutting onions when her husband walks in and starts crying. Onions was a good dog.