INS jokes
What do you call a hippo that has been thrown in a pan?
Hippo-POT-amus!
What do a 14-year-old and the fetus inside her have in common?
They both say, "Ohh sh*t, my mom is going to kill me!"
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims, they went through 42 stories in 7 seconds.
What is similar between a ton of kids and some boxes?
Both of those are commonly found in basements.
What part in the body does an adult not need but actually needs to live?
A KIDNey!
What was the first animal in space?
The cow that jumped over the moon!
Kid: Aye, Mum, I'mma do something Dad could never do.
Mum: And that is?
*Kid walks out.*
*Kid comes back in with milk.*
Mum: I'mma beat ya ass!
Some dude: Water you thinking?
Me: You're drowning in my head.
I don’t believe in reincarnation now, and I didn’t believe in it when I was a hamster.
—Shane Richie, British actor
Friend: If you could get rid of any one person in your life, who would it be?
Me: Me.
Friend: *does nothing*
(x_x)
I forgot that I don't have friends.
The skeleton cancelled the gallery showing of his skull-ptures because his heart just wasn’t in it.
Why did the strawberry cry?
Her mom was in a jam.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Iceberg lettuce. Iceberg lettuce who? Iceberg! Let us in!
It squirted in my eye, God dammit!
What is blue and wiggling on my floor?
A baby in a bag.
I'm bone dry in material, but I have a skeleTON of skeleton jokes. After I tell you all these rib ticklers, you will have a bone to pick with if you didn't find that funny, you outta rip my spine out.
What's worse than finding one dead baby in a bin? Finding one dead baby in five bins.
Lawrence in maths ;)
What is the thirstiest ocean in the world?
The Gulf of Mexico lol!
How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it.