INS jokes

Q: What is the difference between Michael Jackson & Neil Armstrong? A: Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon, and Michael Jackson f@ck$ little kids in the a$$!

Did you know my grandpa was in WW2? He killed Hitler.

Three nuns are talking, and the first nun says, "You would never believe what I discovered." Intrigued, the others signal her to continue. "I found a phone in the priest's room," said the first nun. "Oh, that's nothing," said the second one. "I found condoms in one of his drawers." said the second one. "What did you do with them?" said the first nun. Pridefully, the second nun responds with, "I poked holes in all of them." and the third nun says, "Oh sh*t...."

You know the stupid trend where people say it’s ok to be overly obese? Healthy even? That you should take pride in it? Which idiots started that movement?

Well. We know one thing for sure. They were obviously members of a wider community.

I'll give you 20 dollars if you let me cum in you.

Me: "Hey, are your parents home?"

Orphan: "Stop calling here!"

Me in the corner.

What do you call a router in a thong?

CISCO....(that thong thong thong thong!)

Father talks to his 5-year-old son: “No, Petie, you don’t have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed. It sleeps every day in the bed next to me.”

I was in a school shooting a few years ago, 3 people died.

I guess that’s what you get when you’re bad at hide and seek.

What's the same with shoes and slaves?

When they get loose, you tie them up.

I can't come in, because I'm too high.

What’s the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Corvette?

I don’t have a Corvette in my garage.

What do a pimp and a farmer have in common?

They both need a hoe to stay in business.

Why are 9/11 victims so good at reading?

Because they can go through 100 stories in 5 minutes.

Hi! This is a good prank I did! Okay, my sister has this crush and his name is Braylon. So, he texted my sister saying he wants to hang out with her, which I think means date. So anyway, I did this. My text said, "Hi Braylon, I can't hang out today... or the other day because I have homework, so please no hang out!" This is super wrong, but funny! Braylon texted back and said, "Fine, I can help." And I texted back and said, "Oh, will come here around 10:00." And my sister did not know he was coming... She was so embarrassed, she was still in her nightgown! HAHAHAH. O to the k, bye, that's the prankster!!!!

What do Stephen Hawking and a walkie talkie have in common?

Why did they invent glow-in-the-dark condoms? So gay guys can play Star Wars.

When is the best time to punch a midget in the face?

When he’s standing next to your girlfriend and says your hair smells nice.

What does an orphan have in common with an 80-year-old woman? Their parents will never come back.

A Story:

I lived in a small house. Behind my house was a big forest. If I went in the forest, then I heard scary sounds. That was very dreadful. I had a son. He was 9 years old. One day he went into the forest and did not come back. I called the police, but it couldn't help. I went looking. I really wanted my son Robby back. I missed him so! With a flashlight and compass, I went into the dark, eerie forest. Then the noises came again, but this time I also heard a scream. A scream from a nine year old child. It was Robby, certainly! I stopped in front of a tunnel.

Sequel follows...