INS jokes

A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!" Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, "I thought you were hanging yourself." She said, "Yes, I am!" The husband replied, "Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?" She said, "I tried that, but I couldn't breathe."

What do you get when a cow is caught in an earthquake?

You get a milkshake!

How do you circumcise a hillbilly? ... Kick his sister in the jaw.

Did you hear about the homosexual letter? It only came in male boxes.

According to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence often goes undetected.

I called the suicide hotline in Saudi Arabia. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

I had a terrifying experience last night. I was alone in the house having a bath... when all of a sudden... I felt a tap on my shoulder.

Why are women like KFC?

After you've finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.

In 2011, Stephen Hawking said there is no God. In 2018, God said there is no Steve Hawking.

Your breath is so bad that when Santa came to your house for your present, he brought toothpaste.

A horse walks into a bar.

Several of the patrons quickly get up and leave, realizing the potential danger in the situation.

What's one of the worst motivational things to say to a suicidal person?

“Hang in there!”

Technoblade be doing skyblock in heaven now.

Are you a school? Because I want to shoot a bunch of kids in you.

Hey JFK, what would you do if you were in a fight?

JFK: Well, I'd give them a piece of my mind.

(sorry in advance this joke is brutal)

What has 12 heads and 24 eyes?

The bin at the back of the abortion clinic.

I put the sexy in dyslexia.

What is the hardest part about being a pedophile? Fitting in.

Two atoms are walking down the street, and they run into each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I’m positive!"

If Chuck Norris was a Spartan in the movie 300, the movie would be called 1.