INS jokes
I'll never forget my brother's last words: "Why is there a revolver in your hand?"
Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?
Teacher: 502.
Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?
Teacher: No, you can't fit an elephant in a fridge!!
Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.
Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: open door, put giraffe in, close door
Student: No! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.
Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?
Teacher: let me guess the lion?
Student: No! The giraffe because He's in a fridge.
Teacher: WOW!
Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?
Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?
Student: The gators are at the party.
Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?
Teacher: She drowned?!
Student: No! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
Do you know Putin?
Put in these balls in your mouth.
Did you know the people in the twin towers were great readers?
Yeah, they went through 80 stories in seconds.
The lice in your head are starting to concern over deforestation.
What do computers and white kids have in common? They don't have trouble shooting.
How do you cut the sea in half?
With a sea-saw.
What's the difference between Jesus and the baby I have in my basement?
Jesus died a virgin.
What's worse than depression & suicide?
Easy: LIVING. Everyday you wish you were dead but then reality hits you in the face that you're still alive and have to suffer living.
Pretend or not pretend, we have to decide everyday even if we don't pretend no one will notice :) no one ever does :). Living is the problem to everything. We get depression cuz of it and so much. Why can't we just die :)?
You know what me and my spine both have in common? We are both not straight.
What has 4 legs and 1 arm?
A Doberman in a playground.
Why is parking a car like finding a girlfriend?
All the good ones are taken, so you stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.
Son: Dad, am I adopted?
Father: What? No! Out of all the kids in the adoption center, do you really think I would pick you?
Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the sequence 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3? -- Because Yoda was in charge of the sequence.
How do you punish Helen Keller?
You leave the plunger in the toilet.
What's the difference between America and a bottle of milk?
In 200 years the milk will have developed a culture.
My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car.
Fun fact: Most of the black holes in the universe are found in Africa!
A German, an Australian, and a Mexican are on a plane. They say that they can tell where they are by sticking their hands out of the pane.
The German sticks his hand out and says, "We are in Germany." The others ask, "How do you know?" The German says, "Because it's so cold."
Then the Australian sticks his hand out and says, "We are in Australia." The others ask, "How do you know?" He replies, "Because it's so warm."
Then the Mexican sticks his hand out and back in. He says, "We are in Mexico." The others ask, "How do you know?" He says, "Because my watch is gone."
Why do orphans have water in their cereal?
Because their dad never came home with the milk.