INS jokes
Your hairline’s going backwards in Ohio.
Japan takes credit for creating the rice cooker, but they forgot the USA made the largest one in 1945 and sent it to Japan.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims, they went through 42 stories in 7 seconds.
My brother went missing 5 years ago. He also supported TRUMP. He is currently dead in my basement in a chest in a cupboard.
When Sara gets naked in the shower, she turns her taps on :)
Did you know there is no "p" in the alphabet? ABCDEFGHIJKLM(NOP)!
I was absolutely fuming when I found out my mate was rifling through my mum's knicker drawer.
No one goes in there without my permission!
What did the North Tower say to the South Tower in summer?
"Are you ready for fall?"
Who knows? Maybe the end of the world will be made in China too.
How do you put a baby in the blender feet first so you can see its facial expressions?
How do you get it out? Tortilla chip.
Why doesn't Laila in UHS need an insult?
Have a look at her face!
Your hairline's so far back, even Rosa Parks refused to sit in the back; it went all the way there itself.
Why did the strawberry cry?
Her mom was in a jam.
There were two friends talking one day. Tim tells John, "I think I'm gay."
John says to Tim, "What do you mean?"
Tim says, "When I grow up, I want to dress like a woman and sing karaoke in a bar and call myself (Gillette the best a man can get)!"
John says to Tim, "I think you're right, and thanks for reminding me I need to buy razors."
A man comes to an assassin who charges $1000 per shot. He tells the assassin, "My wife's been cheating on me. I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot the guy in the dick." When they arrive, they wait. The man asks why he hasn't taken the shot. The assassin says, "I know how I can save you $1000."
Why do orphans like Monopoly?
To cry about the money they can’t earn in real life.
What does it say on Stephen Hawking's headstone?
Roll In Peace.
Yo mama so fat that when she went in the ocean, Spain claimed her for new land.
Why do golfers bring an extra pair of socks? In case they get a hole in one.
Me: I must have a mirror in my jeans, 'cause I see you in my pants.