INS jokes

Chuck Norris can make Minute Maid lemonade in 5 seconds.

Dr. Seuss died September 24, but that was a lie. Dr. Seuss, when he was 97, he stole a plane and the last rhyme he did was “up in the sky so very far he comes, Dr. Seuss allahuakbar.”

What is the most popular fish in the ocean? "A starfish."

Did you hear about the man who ran in front of the bus? He got tired.

A man got in a bad car accident. He was at risk of losing his arm. The doctors had to perform complicated surgery on his arm. The man's wife visited after the surgery. The doctor came up to her and said:

"I have good news and bad news."

The wife said: "What's the good news?"

"We managed to save his arm."

"What's the bad news?"

"We couldn't save the rest of him."

In the morning, I become a cereal killer.

In my spare time I help blind children. -- I mean the verb, not the adjective.

Yo mama like a penny: two-faced, worthless, and in everybody’s pants.

Ancestry.com is spelled with an “I” in Alabama.

Max likes his girls like he likes his wine. 7 years old and locked in his basement.

What do prime numbers and stoners have in common? The higher they are, the more spaced out they get.

Little Johnny is walking around and peeks in his parents' room, catching them having sex. So he asks, "What are you guys doing?" and they reply, "Nothing, nothing! We're just, uh, making cake," and they send him away.

So he continues walking around, and he hears some strange noises coming from his brother's room. He walks in and catches his brother and his brother's girlfriend having sex and then asks him, "What are you guys doing?" and his brother yells, "Get out! We're making cake!"

So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says, "So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night, huh?" and she replies, "OMG! How'd you know!?" and Johnny replies, "Because I licked the icing off the couch."

What do you call a prostitute with a major in math?

The thot that counts.

When I get naked in the shower, it gets turned on.

In my mother's generation, they grew up with Wonder Woman. In ours, we have to wonder if she's a woman.

What do JFK’s killer and a prostitute have in common?

“They both blow heads.”

Why was ten scared?

Because it was in the middle of 9/11.

What do Michael Jackson and math have in common? They are both hard for kids.

I'm funny but sad, I submit jokes you'll love. Look for my name in jokes you've read. Anyway.

What did the man with no hands get for his birthday? Gloves. Just kidding, he didn't have the chance to open the gifts.

1. My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.

2. Oh, you’re talking to me? I thought you only talked behind my back.

3. My name must taste good because it’s always in your mouth.