INS jokes

Why can't you solve a murder in Alabama?

All the DNA is identical and there are no dental records.

What do you call a virgin in Alabama? An orphan.

Chuck Norris can make Minute Maid lemonade in 5 seconds.

In the average room, there are about 2,894,638 items that Chuck Norris can use to kill you, including the room itself.

In preschool, I confessed my love to my crush, and she rejected me. As heartbroken as I was, I sucked it up and went back to teaching.

What do you call two Mexicans at a country restaurant? "Two beaners in a cracker house."

I was in the corner shop and the Indian woman was sporting a red dot on her forehead. I scratched it off and won a fucking Ford Focus!

What do prime numbers and stoners have in common? The higher they are, the more spaced out they get.

What is the most popular fish in the ocean? "A starfish."

Did you hear about the man who ran in front of the bus? He got tired.

A man got in a bad car accident. He was at risk of losing his arm. The doctors had to perform complicated surgery on his arm. The man's wife visited after the surgery. The doctor came up to her and said:

"I have good news and bad news."

The wife said: "What's the good news?"

"We managed to save his arm."

"What's the bad news?"

"We couldn't save the rest of him."

In the morning, I become a cereal killer.

In my spare time I help blind children. -- I mean the verb, not the adjective.

Yo mama like a penny: two-faced, worthless, and in everybody’s pants.

Ancestry.com is spelled with an “I” in Alabama.

Max likes his girls like he likes his wine. 7 years old and locked in his basement.

Little Johnny is walking around and peeks in his parents' room, catching them having sex. So he asks, "What are you guys doing?" and they reply, "Nothing, nothing! We're just, uh, making cake," and they send him away.

So he continues walking around, and he hears some strange noises coming from his brother's room. He walks in and catches his brother and his brother's girlfriend having sex and then asks him, "What are you guys doing?" and his brother yells, "Get out! We're making cake!"

So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says, "So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night, huh?" and she replies, "OMG! How'd you know!?" and Johnny replies, "Because I licked the icing off the couch."

What do you call a prostitute with a major in math?

The thot that counts.

When I get naked in the shower, it gets turned on.

In my mother's generation, they grew up with Wonder Woman. In ours, we have to wonder if she's a woman.