INS jokes

What do masturbation and brain damage have in common? After a few strokes, there’s no going back.

What's the difference between a priest and Woody from Toy Story?

Woody goes limp when a kid walks in the room.

Why did the cats go in the litterbox?? To take a poop!

PP almighty stabeth thy! Then my sister said, "Just put it in."

Shorkey will find you in bed tonight, and he will eat you like my joke or else...

Joe Biden is the first president in history to have a vice president on record claiming they believed sexual harassment allegations against him.

I don't know about you, but I think that's a pretty big elephant in the room!

In my house, good sex sounds like seals slapping each other.

A man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world.

Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up."

Man bursts into tears, says "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."

Did you hear about the two-car pile-up in Mexico? Yeah like 200 Mexicans died.

I find this website. I see this person named Gwen. I simp for her, but just for a troll. Next thing I know, we're somehow dating? Then her ex comes in and dates her again. Apparently, he is gay, and I'm pretty sure Gwen could be a boy, but he or she has 3 friends who always back her up, just to let y'all know this isn't really supposed to be a dating app or drama app, it's a joke app, and this isn't really a joke. But one last thing, you guys are all b*tches...

In America, planes hit the Twin Towers. In Soviet Russia, Twin Towers hit planes.

What does Sonic say when he doesn't want to get caught fucking in public?

Gotta Go Fast!

When the kid in the wheelchair scares you... you wheelie scared me.

Lemme tell you a little story.

It’s night. You’re in your room, trying to sleep. But you keep hearing it—scratching. Soft at first. Like fingernails on wood. You tell yourself it’s rats, or the house settling. But it keeps going. Slow… then faster.

So finally, you get outta bed. You get on your hands and knees, put your ear to the floor. And you hear it. A voice. Whispers. Crying.

Your heart’s pounding. You grab a crowbar. You pry up the floorboards. One by one. Your sweat’s dripping into the dust. The noise gets louder.

And finally… you peel back the last plank.

And you see these eyes. Wide and terrified. And a pale little face staring up at you.

BOOOOOOO!!!!

It’s Anne Frank.

Question: "You're-a-American" when you're not in the restroom and when you come out of the restroom. What are you when you're in the restroom?

Answer: European (You're-a-peein')

What do you call a Scottish Muslim with drug problems?

(Said in a Scottish accent) "Amaffmaheed."

What do orphans and apples have in common?

Only one gets picked.

Q: How do you get a one armed person out of a tree?

A: You wave at them.

I told the ugly friend in my friend group that when they daydream, they shouldn't picture themselves because it will just ruin it.

What do you call a Democrat that is a progressive?

A Democrat that lost in a presidential election.