INS jokes

Some of you need to go to church. I don't want you in hell with me.

Ever have an Italian sausage in a can?

A man is on his deathbed in prison by electric chair.

The man who controls the chair asks for any last words.

The prisoner replies with: “Can you hold my hand?”

A man walks into a doctor's office, naked and wrapped in Glad Wrap.

The doctor replies with: "I can clearly see your nuts."

Why can't orphans score in baseball?

They can't find home.

What are three things the Twin Towers have in common with my dad? They are big, sexy, and smashed your mom.

Bye, I'm Paul Badman. Did you know that you don't have rights? The Articles of Confederation say you don't, and so do I. I believe that until proven innocent, every woman, man, and adult in this country is guilty. And that's why I don't fight for you, Santa Fe!

Have you heard of Wendy's?

Yea, Wendy's nuts in you mouth.

If Bruce Willis (the guy in the Christmas movie Die Hard) dies of a Viagra overdose, would that mean he truly dies hard?

What do a 100-year-old pornstar and The White Stripes have in common? Icky Thump!

Teacher told me to turn in my essay, but I ain't no snitch, fool.

Me: What's the fifth month of the year?

Friend: May.

Me: May deez nuts fit in your mouth?

Me: How do cowboys say hello?

Friend: Howdy.

Me: How do deez nuts fit in your mouth?

If 6 was afraid of 7 because 7 ate 9, then why was 10 afraid?

Because 10 was in the middle of 9/11.

Sign in sheet!

Why are fish smart?

They live in a school.

What do cake and baseball have in common?

Both need batters.

Did you know Helen had a playhouse in her backyard? Neither did she!

My girlfriend was cheating in Uno.

She's not the only one who can play that game.

I can't come in, because I'm too high.