INS jokes
Are you Spanish, because I will say "Hola."
Do you go to a biblioteca? Also, in Spanish, you will never guess the word "biblioteca." Find it, I dare you.
Why are orphans never in jail?
Because they're never wanted.
I got sent to the principal's office today because I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and screamed, "HOT WHEELS!"
You look like a double dipped chocolate chip cliff flipped glazed charcoal slim jim Mr. clog hunch frap, no feet, 9 arms, 17 stomachs. You stepdad beat you with a wiffle ball bat. NBA Youngboy was in your bathroom spitting on you and now you got herpes on your left side cheek.
Why is 10 afraid?
Because it was in the middle of 9/11.
What do you call it when you sell Panera Bread in your shed?
Panera Shed.
Why is the white man in prison scarier than the black one?
The white one actually did it!
Yo mama so fat.
In Super Mario Galaxy, she was a fucking planet!
JFK was so popular he was banged in front of his Wife.
Why should you always knock on the fridge door before opening it? In case there's a salad dressing.
Heaven is like university: no one gets in.
Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I see myself in them.
Kid walks in the door. "Mommy and Daddy, I'm home." Mommy and Daddy meanwhile in their room moaning. Kid runs to them thinking they're hurt and sees something he definitely shouldn't have.
10 minutes later, [he] kills himself.
What do lesbians and turtles have in common?
They both eat plastic. (I'm sorry to the lesbians out there; this is a joke, not real.)
I was high in high school, but not as high as the people jumping from the buildings.
Why do cheetahs have spots outside of their bodies?
Because they don't have them on the inside.
I ran into a kid today. Now I'm in jail and I lost my driver's license.
How do you surprise a blind man?
Leave the plunger in the toilet.
What do emos and apples have in common? They both hang off trees.
A man went hunting with his son and shot an animal.
The father asks the son to identify the animal he just shot, and the son answers: "Holy Cow!"
Father: "What do you mean, 'Holy Cow?'"
Son: "You shot a hole in the cow, of course!"