INS jokes
How many skinheads does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
10; 1 to do it and 9 to back him up.
You guys know the notes A Minor and D? I really like putting D in A Minor!
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and called it "Hot Wheels."
Worst jokes ever? More like I killed an old man in 2012 in Oklahoma City at that nasty Red Lobster, not the one near the freeway, and hid the body in a creek!
How do you catch a polar bear?
Cut a hole in the ice, put peas around it, when the polar bear goes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.
Do you know what I found in my letter soup?
A space.
Why did Oliver have no friends?
His last name was Clothesoff, and all the other kids would get in trouble whenever they would ask to play with Oliver Clothesoff.
My friend's daughter is taking a job in California parking cars. She says she wants to be a valet girl. For sure. For sure.
What goes in small and soft?
And comes out big and hard?
A tea bag.
What is it called when someone is in a wheelchair and in a fire?
Hot Wheels...
Why is the queen the most powerful piece in chess?
Because the board looks like a kitchen floor.
What's the difference between an orphanage and a supermarket?
People actually want stuff in a supermarket.
Who are the fastest readers? The people who were in 9/11. They went through 91 stories in 1.2 seconds.
Me: "Hey, are your parents home?"
Orphan: "Stop calling here!"
Me in the corner.
Why do you only see girls in groups of 3, 5, 7, and 9?
Because they can’t even.
What do you call a war dodo named Bob in WW2 and he came from Mars?
Bruno Mars.
What is something in common with gay people and ambulance trucks?
They both take it out the back and go "woo woo!"
Today, my family visited Disneyland. When we got to the hall of fame, I was shocked to find a statue of the BielefeldMan.
The tour guide said, "That’s Lewandisney. He owns the biggest collection of Disney TAP-INS and is a Mickey Mouse clubhouse member." Well done Lewandisney!
What's the difference between the Queen's death and Princess Diana's death? The Queen died in peace, not pieces.
God, those orphans were putting up such a fight, I had to lock 'em in the basement.