INS jokes
During a phone call:
"Hey, is Michael Jackson in Miami with his manager?"
"Actually, he's off to Tampa with the kids."
How do you call an iPhone cover in Germany?
An apple bag. 😜
A heavily pregnant woman is in an accident and gives birth to twins while comatose. Upon awakening some days later, the doctors tell her that her brother Tom filled out the birth certificates while she was out.
"Oh no, Tom's an idiot, what did he name my daughter?" she asked the nurse.
"Denise."
"That's not a bad name. And what did he name the boy?"
"Tom Junior."
What did one orphan say to the other orphan?
"Get in the Batmobile, Robin!"
I was in cooking class and my teacher said, "Does anyone know what a chopping board is similar to?"
Me and my friend just glanced at each other and burst out laughing.
Long story short, the teacher understood the joke, and now we are both in daily therapy. 😭💀
At least if you're fat you don't need to put as much bathwater in the bath.
Your mama is so fat that when she went to run in a yellow jumpsuit, the kids thought they missed the school bus.
What do Nike and the KKK have in common?
They both make Black people run faster.
I once tried to have a family friendly conversation with a worm, but it kept its head in the dirt.
1273. Depression got the best of me. I'm gonna cry in my room now.
Why aren't there any closets in southern churches? Closets have coat hangers.
1 like = 1 more child in my fryer.
There are 3 men: an American, a French, and an Italian who have to take a trip and take the plane.
The American puts his hand out the window and says: "We are in America, I touched the Statue of Liberty." The French says: "We are in France, I touched the Eiffel Tower." The Italian says: "We are in Italy, I touched the garbage!"
Why are people in Japan always skinny?
Because last time there was a "Fat Man", a whole city disappeared.
Why do Mexicans always cross the border in twos?
Because the sign says "No Tres passing."
I got a job at a library. I got fired after 15 minutes. They told me it was because I put women's rights in the fiction section.
My best friend was recently gunned down in a drive-by shooting and died a virgin, but he wasn’t buried one.
A project manager, a mechanical engineer, and a computer scientist are on a road trip through the mountains. As they're going down a pass, the brakes suddenly fail. The car goes off the road and crashes down into the valley. A bit dazed, the three of them get out.
The project manager says, "Well, the best thing to do is to have a meeting and assess the situation."
The mechanical engineer replies, "Nonsense, I have my pocketknife, I'll fix the brakes with that."
Then the computer scientist comes along and says, "Why make it so complicated? Let's push the car back up the road, get in, and see if it happens again."
What’s the difference between me and Glow In The Dark Intelligent Putty? The putty’s intelligent!
Who were the fastest readers? 9/11 victims. They went through 95 stories in 10 seconds.