INS jokes
His new music video has been leaked. It’s called “Living in a Tree.”
There were 25 cows, 28 chickens. How many didn't?
(Ten, if you count in base 13!)
WARNING: READ THIS JOKE ALOUD!
Was it the pills that stopped his coughing, or was it the coffin they carried him off in?
Why did the octopus 🐙 beat the shark in a fight?
Because he was well armed!
Let's say I was immortal. No matter what I did, I would be alive. But, the catch is I’m the least flexible and least strong person in the world.
Now, I get my head chopped off. What would I do? I would roll over to my headless body and figure out what it's like to suck my own dick.
In the new Justice League movie, Flash can break glass by touching it, why is that?
Because Flash is not supported on Windows.
I must have at least 87 years of bad luck; every time I look in the mirror, it breaks!
Why did the Drill Sergeant get in trouble?
He got caught playing with his Privates!
There was an animal on my porch, then I shot it in the head. It was strange that it had coffee in its hand. I flipped it over, and it was an animal, but it looked a lot like my kid.
Shorts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin. When it's sniff, stick it in. It goes in dry and comes out wet, And the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag.
It's not what you think it is. It's a Lipton tea bag.
Get your mind together!
Why did the orphan start crying?
Because his apple found a home in his stomach.
In case there's a school shooting, the teachers can help out and shoot the kids.
What can you tell [as] a difference between [a] man and a woman [in a] relationship?
Both of them are just full of shit.
What do an orphan's parents and the Predator have in common?
They are both invisible.
The only time that cows will make noise is when they are in the moooo-d.
Your forehead is so clear, like the Liberty Bell manual in 1876.
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?
Dark humor: 10 babies in one trash can.
Morbid humor: 1 baby in 10 trash cans.
What is brown and sticky?
What is white and gooey?
What is long and hard?
(Tell me in the comments)
BFF: Dude, come over to my house right now!
Me: What? No way, it's 2:58 AM.
BFF: But I just found my brother's secret stash of Oreos!
Me: I'll be over in 5 minutes.
Yo mama so stupid, when she was in court and the judge said, "Order, order," she said, "Pizza."