INS jokes
What’s something you can say in bed and in a Zoom meeting?
"Do you want the cameras on or off?"
Levon Aronian's wife died in a car crash. That's wheelie unfortunate.
I believe in a woman's right to choose...
...whether she wants to cook first and then clean or clean first and then cook.
Post Malone was in the hospital, but he is BETTER NOW.
Me testing if there is fall damage in real life (falls off of a cliff, uses water bucket trick) dies.
What do a gynecologist and deaf people have in common? They both read lips.
In America, you have Pop-Tarts. We in Germany here have Toastbrot.
Guys, can we change pride month to another month, please? My birthday is in June, and I'm not gay, and my friends keep making fun of me. I think we should change it to March because my brother's birthday is in March, and that'd be funny.
What do an abortion and a baby have in common?
The mom doesn't want either of them.
Was threatened with legal action off my postman this morning!! I was stood havin a smoke when he asked if my dog bites, I said no. Halfway down my path the dog jumped up and bit him on his testicles!! Screaming out in pain he Said I was a lying bitch cos I told him my dog didnt bite!! Told him mine doesnt!! that wasnt my dog!!!
The reason why Trailer Park Boys is set in Nova Scotia and not Alabama is because if it was set in Alabama, then they would have to record every instance of incest. And the show's writers would need to know how to cram all of it in one season.
What’s the difference between a Ferrari and ten 6-year-olds?
I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.
But her ass was lookin' good all up in those mom jeans!
I looked up how fast cum shoots and it said 28 mph. That means that ejaculation is illegal in school zones!
A man comes home and hears his wife talking about having sex at the club. The man busts into the club with a revolver and says, "WHO TF FUCKED MY WIFE?" Well, everyone looks over and is quiet, and someone in the back says, "Mate, you don't have enough bullets."
What's black and sitting in a chair? Steven Hawking after a house fire.
All these 9/11 jokes need to stop.
My uncle died in 9/11. At least he died doing what he loves: flying planes.
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?
Dark humor is 10 babies in a trash can. Morbid humor is 1 baby in 10 trash cans.
*Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1: "God, I can only imagine what was going through those kids' heads in the last moments of their lives..."
Person 2: "Probably Bullets."
Person 1: "OMG!! Can you even think of what their parents are going through?!"
Person 2: "Probably Coffin Brochures."
Person 1: "...."
Person 2: "It's called dark humor. Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it."
Everything is made in China... except for baby girls.