INS jokes

What do tofu and a dildo have in common? They're both meat substitutes.

A guy walks to his friend's house. His friend says, "Where is your girlfriend?" The guy says, "Meet me at the cemetery in a week."

Why are women like KFC? After you finish with the thigh and the breasts, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.

One time there was a depressed man standing in the middle of a train track. A girl said, "Excuse me, can you move, please? I'm trying-" Then the man stopped her sentence and said, "How is your t-shirt so clean?" Then she said back, "Easy, hung it up."

I wondered as the rock in the sky got bigger and bigger, then it hit the bottom of the Earth, and... "explosion!"

Why did the boy study for his math test in a tree?

'Cause he wanted higher grades.

How do you say "nose" in Spanish?

hmm.... No sé.

What does a bullet and milk have in common? They both take out your dad.

What's red all over and spins at 100 mps?

Baby in a blender.

My teacher asked what was the worst time you got paddled by your parents. My one friend said that he got in trouble and got whacked by a stick. I raised my hand and said that my dad whacked me with his dick.

Who are the fastest readers in the world?

9/11 victims: they went through a hundred stories in 10 seconds.

Landing on its feet won't help a cat in China...

I've always wondered how it would feel to put Hellen Keller in a room full of doorknobs... but no doors.

Why was the dog staying in the shade?

Because it didn't want to be a hot dog!

Just walked in on my parents doing it! Worst 30 minutes of my life.

A man went to the doctor, and the doctor said, "What happened to you?"

The man replied and said, "I broke my arm in two places!"

Then the doctor replied with, "DON’T GO BACK TO THOSE TWO PLACES!!"

I submitted 10 puns to see if they'd make this list.

But no pun in ten did.

They told me Avengers: Endgame was going to be 3 hours long, but honestly? I felt like it was over in a SNAP!

Jace: Haha, I won, dude. You suck at Monopoly!

Timmy: Let's play another game. *GUNSHOT* I guess I won!

Jace: *SCREAMS IN PAIN*

Timmy: What? I thought we were playing Chutes and Ladders!

Teacher: Great! You’re studying in break time!

Student: Thank you. I heard that it is good to study before sleep.