INS jokes
What's green and has a thousand nipples?
A garbage bag in the alley behind a breast cancer clinic.
How do you punish blind kids?
Put them in a round room and tell them to sit in the corner.
What do you call a group of people who are interested in Nintendo monkeys?
A Kongregation.
So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan.
When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.
"Wait a minute," I said. This distinctly tastes like horse semen.
Then it clicked.
"Ah, so that's how you died."
Ancestry.com is spelled with an “I” in Alabama.
The other day I was in the park and got bored, so I found an orphan and punched him in the face, laughed at him, and said, "Whatcha gonna do, tell your parents?"
PP almighty stabeth thy! Then my sister said, "Just put it in."
What's white and bloody?
Two doves in a trash compactor. Talk about a failed marriage.
How do you get a baby to stop crawling in circles?
You nail its other hand to the floor.
Yo mama so ugly, she has a sign in her garden saying, “Beware of the dog!”
Oh, Lois, that was more scary than Michael Jackson without pants in front of a kid!
During the Wintery Wackiness Wars!
A Soviet Sergeant, stationed stilly near a sloped summit with his silly soldiers!
Then a shout sails from the tippy-top: "A Finnish fighter's fantastic force fractures a hundred heroic Honchos!"
The Kommandant's kerfuffle commences, commanding a caravan of one hundred comrades to conquer the crest!
Nifty navigation notes nil, the nasty news nabs many! After an Hour, hush descends. The high voice hollers, "A Finnish fighter's fantastic force fractures a thousand heroic Honchos!"
Kommander fumes, forcing a further flurry, flinging one thousand fine fellows skyward!
Nearly two hours now and the noisy nuisance ceases, then the shouting starts: "A Finnish fighter's fantastic force fractures ten thousand heroic Honchos!"
The Kommandant kaput! Ten thousand troopers take the trek, taking tanks, trundling skyward, to take the terrain!
Four fearsome, fretful hours then a soldier in tatters comes tumbling, talking: "Stop sending up soldiers, sir! There's two Finns fighting fiercely!"
Rot in hell?
More like nasty-ass thot in a well.
There was an emo kid in their room, boom, they're all gone, now.
What are they going to say about Tim Gunn in 20 years?
He kicked the bucket.
Popcorn means Photo-Oxidant formation by Plant-emitted Compounds and OH Radicals in Northeastern Germany.
HO means a woman, in particular one who has many casual fricking encounters or relationships. So basically, popcorn is a woman in plant based frick chamber in a nazi camp.
How do you catch a polar bear?
Cut a hole in the ice, put peas around it, when the polar bear goes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.
If you look for something for 10 days and a woman walks in, opens a cabinet, and finds it:
So, just hire a female pope for the Holy Grail that has been missing for 500 years so she just opens a cabinet and she finds it.
What did one orphan say to another orphan?
"Get in the Batmobile, Robin!"
What do you call a virgin in Alabama? An orphan.