INS jokes
Why can't women just shut the fuck up! I hate women. They need to know their place and stay in the kitchen and be baby makers...
Rust in peace.
An older retired couple - the wife had grown tired of her husband farting in bed each night. One morning she put some chicken parts under the blankets in bed next to him and went off to make some coffee.
A few minutes later she hears a loud fart followed by a blood curdling scream. He comes out after a while and says, "Hon, you were right that I would fart my guts out. Took me the longest to put them back in."
In my free time, I like to help blind people.
Verb, not adjective.
The other day, my best friend flipped off the table in class. I thought it was flipping amazing!
Why did the serial killer let the guy in a wheelchair go? Because the guy didn’t really have any body for the serial killer to stab.
When you're so rich that you can buy anything, you end up getting a cow in your living room. Yeah, anyways, my ex is still in my living room.
I walked in on my little sister when she was naked.
The thing I have to say is that my little sister is a big sister with big tits & ass with juicy lips upstairs & downstairs. I say whoever is going to be my brother-in-law is going to be a very happy person.
Fatty and Skinny were in a bed.
Fatty rolled over, and Skinny was pegged.
What do you call a bunch of retarded kids in a swimming pool?
Vegetable soup.
There was a man in a tower, and the other man thought it was a girl, so he said, "Let down your long hair." He said, "OK, I will let my big, super long, hairy penis down for you to climb and suck." Then the other man said, "If you have such a long dick, suck it yourself. See ya, b*tch."
A blonde walks in and says, "I want to buy that TV."
The seller says, "I don't sell to blondes."
The blonde comes back the next day with brown hair and says, "I want to buy that TV."
The seller says, "I don't sell to blondes."
The blonde comes back the next day with brown hair and says, "I want to buy that TV."
The seller says, "I don't sell to blondes."
The blonde asks, "That's it, how'd you know I was a blonde?"
The seller replies, "Because that's a microwave."
Some guy: making a sandwich.
Me: *rages* to put the ham in!
Ralphie: They put drugs in our medication?
Me: The medication is the drugs.
I was bullying a little kid for having a purple eye and said, "Where'd you get that? Your mom? Your dad?"
After that, everyone in my group was laughing at the kid. The next day I never saw him again.
Today I was asked if I was in favor of legalizing prostitution.
I admit I haven't given it much of a thot.
Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road? It was stuck in a crack.
An 80-year-old blind man asks his grandson, "Can you grab my glasses?"
Then the grandson says, "Did you get in the flour again?"
Grandpa said, "No, it was the weed."
Apparently, as a 4-year-old, Hitler was saved from drowning in the river Passau by a local priest.
Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.
What do you call a group of black people in a shed?
Antique farm equipment.