INS jokes
Beethoven to Chris Doemges: "What instrument do you play outside in the Arctic at -12 degrees Celsius?"
Doemges: "Probably the shiver..."
Person: Hey, do you know what's the best thing in life?
...
You do realize that I said nothing, right?
Me: Exactly :)
What’s the worst song to play in front of a vegetable? “James Brown - Get on Up”
What’s the worst song to play in front of a handicapped kid? “Van Halen - Jump”
What's the worst song to play in front of a black man in Minneapolis? “I Can't Breathe - Juice Wrld”
I had an animal pun contest today. He started off by saying something. I don’t remember.
Then I replied, “TOUCAN play that game.” He went silent, and my other friend barged in and said, “Don’t you think he’s CHICKENing out?” I said, “Yeah, just stop HORSING around!” He came back with one, and I ended it by saying, “Ok, let’s MOOOOOve on cow.”
Welp, that’s it.
"I'm very good in sports."
"In which sports?"
"EA Sports."
If 6 is afraid because 7, 8, 9, why is 10 scared?
Because it's in between 9/11.
If there was a quiz on midgets, here’s the Midget quiz and the questions that would be on it:
1. When midgets get high on any drug, do they get high or medium?
2. Do midgets come out the closet or the cabinet?
3. Are Midgets related to Snow White’s 7 Dwarfs?
4. Is a midget just a human without the mushroom in Mario?
5. Was this funny?
I went up to a priest and asked if he participated in NNN. He replied, "How can I, with all these people calling me daddy?"
Why was the rapper always in good shape?
Because he dropped the mic and picked up weights!
What do you get when you put a baby in a box of razor blades and throw it down the stairs?
An erection!
What do you call a terrorist in a bath?
A bath bomb.
I've been hit by several things in my life.
Sadly, never a car.
What did the magician do as a trick in his show?
Make your doubts about magic... DISAPPEAR!
What happens when there's ten people in one house and they all have to shit and there's one bathroom?
It's a motherfucking shitshow party!
Jack and Jill went up a hill to do it in the water.
Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.
Yesterday on the school bus my friend in front of me said she was 41% Irish and 15% Mexican.
Then my friend sitting next to me said, “Wow, almost half leprechaun!”
Then I said, “Yeah, and 15 percent wall climber!”
How do you circumcise a redneck?
Kick his sister in the chin.
Rizz
Are you a basketball hoop? 'Cause I want to put my balls in you.
Are you a photo biographer? 'Cause I can picture us together.
What do orphans have in common with mute children?
They can't talk to their parents.
What do apples and emos have in common?
They both hang from trees.