INS jokes

The average French car has 7 gears, 6 of which are in reverse mode just in case the Germans come back.

What is the difference between a baby and a canoe?

I would never put a canoe in my garage.

What do women and chess have in common? When you sacrifice the females and replace them, you are more likely to win.

As a murderer, I stabbed a man after infiltrating his house. His wife came in and saw me. She fell into tears. I got up and said, "Drama queen!"

My life is so sad it's because you're in it.

Q: Why aren't there any Walmarts in Afghanistan?

A: Because there's a Target on every corner.

Hey girl, are your pants a mirror? 'Cause I can see myself in them.

It was just a prank, and stop calling our humor "plane." In our opinion, it's fire.

What is worse than a baby getting hanged in a tree?

That same baby getting hanged in multiple trees.

How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they just sit in the dark and bitch.

I'm reading this book in braille right now, and I know something's gonna happen, I can just feel it.

What do you do when you see a spaceman?

Park in it, man!

A fully grown bull Great White Shark is 15 feet long and can open its jaws up to 1.2 meters long. It could eat a small child in seconds. Anyways, I lost my job at the aquarium...

Teacher: "You know you can't sleep in my class."

Boy: "I know. Maybe if you were a little quieter, I could."

So the coach got mad at me because I'm the only one on my team who is only a bit on the spectrum, and I was just keeping the ball to myself. The coach pulled me aside and said, "Pass to others." I said, "Why?" And he said, "There's no 'I' in 'team.'" I said, "Yeah, but there's an 'm' and an 'e.'"

I went to my sister's room one day. I saw a trophy, so I asked my sister how she won it. My sister said the neighbors gave it to her because she gave out the best hand jobs in the neighborhood. I guess my sister put her hands to good use.

I was sitting in math class, and our teacher doesn't like it if we don't work on math in his class. So, I did science homework on top of a math book.

Did you know that a lot of graves are put in churchyards?

Yeah, they're pretty holey.

Why does the Queen have more mobility than the King in chess?

Because it's shaped like the kitchen floor.

What do Spider-Man and suicidal people have in common?

They both hang.