INS jokes

What do Michael Jackson and Linus have in common? They both carry a little blanket.

Hot shingles in your neighborhood wanting to get nailed.

in can re;ate to this its always going through my mind

In Israel, they don't have Walmarts; they only have Targets.

What flies around the school at night?

Alpha-bats!

My pal asked me why nobody wants to eat the spaghetti he makes in his restaurant.

Well, because it's impastable.

What's the difference between a spare tire and dead hookers? I don't have 8 spare tires in my trunk.

I just saw people writing "Zoophile," "Ailurophile," and "Dendrophilia" in their bios. I thought this was cool, but when I wrote "Necrophile" and "Pedophile," I don't know why people started hating me as if I did something wrong. I was just trying to be cool like them, man.

Q: What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?

A: Throw in some laundry.

I went to the bathroom and into a stall to see a hole in the wall. It reminded me of "The Lickable Wallpaper" from "Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory." I jokingly started licking. Though, the carrot tasted musky and kinda wrinkly.

Dang... if I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put D IN U ;)

I only know there are 25 letters in the alphabet, I don't know Y.

(Me: How many letters are in the alphabet?) -- (Friend: 11- T-H-E-- A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T)

(Me: There are 20 letters in the alphabet, right?) -- (Crush: No, there is actually 26.) -- (Me: oooOoh, I forgot u r a qt! So its acdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz?) -- (Crush: You forgot the D) -- (Me: That's not needed yet ;])

What letter is really hot? T

C = cOCK O = CoCK C = COcK K = COCk COCK = cock cock = COCK

ME SExUAL SRrY LoL

Why can’t you give an orphan homework?

Because they don’t have a home to do it in.

There once was a boy named Sammy who loved this girl beyond belief. Her name was Rayne, but she didn’t notice him and or talk to him, but one day she did and they ended up liking each other and getting married and living happily... wait, no, that’s not right.

Sammy actually snuck into Rayne’s house one day and kidnapped her and locked her in his basement and made her into a puppet so he could keep her forever and ever. The End.

Where do astronauts 👩‍🚀 keep their sandwiches 🥪?

In their launch box! 🚀📦😂

Imagine this scenario: A doctor walks in and tells the patient that he has all the illnesses, diseases, etc. in the world but cooler like this: "Bumbumbum you have depression, diarrhea, and cancer,... etc."

And then the last one on the list is that he is deaf, and then the doctor shows the patient the list.

What is the best joke in the world? Women’s rights.

What do priests and McDonald's have in common?

They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns!

How do you surprise a blind man? Put a plunger in the toilet.

What do a baby and a grenade have in common? They both make loud noises when thrown.

I have one policy, and that is to not make fun of black people.

Sorry, Jesus. You were white in the Bible pictures.