INS jokes

Women have eggs and milk in them...

And they say that they don't belong in the kitchen.

Osama Bin Laden thrown in ocean!

People who helped with the Twin Towers destruction: ...

What happens when Stephen Hawking wakes up from his sleep?

"Log in."

We were discussing cows in a lesson. I asked my teacher why she was one.

I like my wine like my women:

16 and in my basement.

What do you call a priest that graduated from law school?

Father-in-law.

There are three people on the steps of Heaven. God tells them all he is having a good day and if they make him laugh by telling him how they died, he will let them in.

The first one said, "I just finished a long day of work and I get home, and right as I stepped in, I knew my wife was cheating on me. I searched everywhere and I couldn’t find anybody, so I got a drink and went to the balcony, and then I saw him, hanging off the ledge of the balcony. I kicked his hands, but he wouldn’t fall, so I threw a Refrigerator at him, and I fell with the Refrigerator."

God busted out laughing and let him in.

The next person walked up and God told him the same thing he told the other person. God told him that he didn’t think that he could make him laugh more than the first person. The second guy said, "So get this, I’m a window washer on the 8th floor. I’m washing the windows like normal, and this enraged psychopath walks up and starts kicking my hands, and then he throws a refrigerator at me and I die."

God bursts out laughing so much to where he falls off his chair, and he lets the guy through. The next guy comes up and God tells him the same thing he told the last two people, and he tells him that there is no way that he can make him laugh more than the other two did. So he starts talking. "So get this, I’m in a refrigerator..."

This is why orphans are dangerous with cardboard. They either start eating it or making it into a house and hallucinating that they have a family.

So I threw out the cardboard and said, "You have to stay in reality. Fantasies aren't real. You can't and will never get a home."

Next day, they make cardboard parents, so I threw that away and said, "Pay attention to reality; you will never get parents."

Next day, they start acting like parents and tell me what to do. Again, I said, "Snap to reality. You will never be a parent!" The orphan responded with, "Oh, really?! How so?" I just simply said, "You don't have a house and parents. You literally like eating cardboard, and then you make parents out of it. You like to eat old people!"

Want to hear a dad joke? Look in the mirror. You get the joke.

When you say to your friend, "I've got your back," then at his funeral you see in his coffin he's missing his middle piece.

Me: Good night, everyone.

My friends and family: Night.

Me: *gets in coffin*

My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?

My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.

I put the fun in funeral.

How do the men with bisexual tendencies that are members in the Kingdom Hall of Jehovah's Witnesses have sex with other men without being disfellowshiped in the Jehovah's Witnesses Church?

Anonymous sex at a glory hole inside the men's restroom at a gay bar.

Kids in wheelchairs can't stand up for themselves if there's a bully.

Comment and join Dumbledore's army in the community to give someone you hate permanent bad luck.

I have returned. Anyways, what do you call it when you're actually in Panera Bread, being in Panera Bread?

How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Well, there are 69 in my basement, and it's still dark.

Went swimming today and peed in the deep end. The lifeguard saw me and blew his whistle so loud I almost fell in.

There are too many suicidal people in this world. I’m going to make sure there is at least one less.

(demons in my head) I laugh to meet them...