INS jokes
So, a blind guy is sitting on a park bench with his seeing eye dog right beside him. Suddenly, his seeing eye dog cocks his leg and pisses all over the blind guy's leg. So the blind guy gives the dog a treat.
A man taking a walk saw the entire thing and said to the blind man, "That is the most charitable thing I’ve ever seen, your dog deliberately pissed on you and here you are giving him a dog biscuit." The blind man says, "Oh it’s not what you think, I’m just trying to find his head so I can kick him in the ass."
What do you call Helen Keller in a pitch black, sound proof room?
Unnecessary.
Me: Brings in missing child.
Police: OMG this kid has been missing for 3 months. Here is your reward.
Me: Oh, cool.
NEXT DAY
Me: Brings in 8 other kids.
Police :0 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I only got one question wrong on my biology test yesterday.
The question was, "What is most commonly found in a cell?"
Apparently, "Black People" wasn't the right answer.
What do you get if you cross diarrhea with incest?
I don't know.
Neither do I, but it runs in the family.
A sign that broadcast television has less impact on the masses: The force-feeding of Kelly Clarkson on network television has yet to impact the large stacks of Kelly Clarkson CDs collecting dust in Goodwill, right next to those James Last LPs.
what's the difference between morbid humor & dark humor?
dark humor fits 10 people in 1 container.
morbid humor fits 1 person on ten containers.
Why is there air conditioning in hospitals? To keep the vegetables cool and fresh.
My parents were concerned when I said I like to bleed, but at least I cut my risk of cancer and stroke in half.
You can understand depression if you are still in school and get bullied by bullies, punished by teachers, and scolded by parents for being that quiet kid who says nothing.
"Mum, I just won this phone in a race!"
"Who was in the race?"
"The owner of the phone. And the police. I think they're at the door to congratulate me!"
Why is the Catholic church in favor of condoms now?
It's now getting harder to hide DNA evidence.
I got in big trouble the other day, though it was pretty unfair. Babies kick pregnant women all the time, and yet I got arrested anyways.
If dust mites are found in dust, bedbugs are found in beds, where are cockroaches found in?
People always told me to open doors for elders. So I opened the plane door 5,000 feet up in the air for a grandma.
What do you call a rapper in a wheelchair?
Young Boy Never Walk again.
Person: I broke my arm in three places.
Doctor: Well, don't go to those three places then.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a bulb?
None, because they all cry in the dark.
What do an orphan's father and Nemo have in common?
They are both nowhere to be found.
People in plays say that everyone's life is a drama, but mine's a tragedy.