INS jokes

I'm not calling you a slut, I'm calling you a penny: two-faced, worthless, and in everyone's pants.

What does a zebra and I have in common?

We both have stripes.

Guys, I'm back...

Here's my joke:

What is blue and red all over?

Blood in the water of a shark attack victim.

Do you know why in France there is a cheese named "fromage à râpe?"

Because the cheese got raped.

What do world hunger and a Mercedes have in common?

Diana can't stop either.

I got fired from the library in the first 30 minutes because I "womens rights" in the sci-fi fiction section.

What does Amogus and Jesus have in common?

They're sus.

Roses are red, my name is Dan...

TDM, I have a gun, GET IN THE VAN!

How do you stop a baby from crawling on the floor?

Nail one hand to the ground...

How do you stop it from crawling in circles? Nail the other hand to the floor.

Where did the king hide his armies?

In his sleevies.

Worst joke ever.

Why do orphans live in an orphanage?

Answer: Because they are wanted there.

How many cats are in the human body?

None, unless you're Asian.

How do you bury a prostitute?

In a Y-shaped coffin.

One would think Dracula would have a lot of friends. Unfortunately, no one likes him. He is a pain in the neck.

Once I was in South Korea doing stand up comedy... and I started with a "hidden" joke and I said: "I'm so happy to be here in one of the most beautiful Korea's in the world..." which is a good joke but they didn't get it, and they looked at me badly... so I said "I'm here in the South which is more beautiful... South good, North booooooo." But still nothing, they kept glaring at me... then I realized that maybe I was in the wrong Korea.

My girlfriend said, "GIMME EIGHT INCHES AND MAKE IT HURT!"

So I pumped my dick in her 4 times and hit her in the head with a brick.

What does a wife and a boombox have in common?

They only work when you beat them.

One day it was me and my sister in the house. My sister said to me, "Let's order food." I said, "We have no money." My sister said, "It's cool; we're just going to order egg rolls from the Chinese store. I know the delivery boy, and he won't charge us." I said, "Cool."

The delivery boy came with the egg rolls. I took some and ate mine in my room. I went back in the kitchen. I see my sister giving the delivery boy a blow job. I ask, "What are you doing?" My sister replied back to me, "You had your egg rolls; let me enjoy mine." Then the delivery boy said, "Don't no charge."

Yo mama so fat, when she jumped in the ocean, the whales said, "We are family, even though you're fatter than me!"

My son asked me to stop singing Oasis songs in public. I said maybe.