INS jokes

What do you call a roach in milk?

A roach con leche. 😂

what do you call a bunch of retarded kids in a hot tub?

steamed vegetables.

I'm telling my kids that in 2020 I survived world war 3, the zombie apocalypse, the invasion of the murder hornets, and the second American revolution.

What does the 'w' in Africa stand for? Water.

So, this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well, the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road, he starts speeding. Eventually, he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, "Is my wife okay? She was carrying my child." The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes, "APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage."

How do you circumcise a redneck?

You kick his sister in the jaw.

What does a phone and a grandma have in common? They both die.

What's the difference between them? If you shove something up your grandma's ass, she won't come back to life.

Why won't Trump be subject to impeachment?

Answer: Because Republicans in Congress insist that every baby be brought to full term!

what's the difference between a baby and a trampoline? the trampoline doesn't cave in when i jump on it.

1 like = 1 more child in my fryer.

What do you call Helen Keller in a pitch black, sound proof room?

Unnecessary.

A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.

She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."

She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Blonde."

The blonde then taped the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.

The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"

I was rooting for Donald Trump to be president.

We haven't had a presidential assassination in a while.

Weather is like sex. Once in a while you need to get wet.

Sir William Herschel discovered Uranus in 1781, 200 years before you were born. How did he do that?

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

You can understand depression if you are still in school and get bullied by bullies, punished by teachers, and scolded by parents for being that quiet kid who says nothing.

What do you get if you cross diarrhea with incest?

I don't know.

Neither do I, but it runs in the family.

My parents were concerned when I said I like to bleed, but at least I cut my risk of cancer and stroke in half.

Pickup lines in 2022 are like: "Are you Russia? Because your bombs are so big!"