INS jokes
Why is Jesus in pieces?
Because a one man band is Nine Inch Nails.
The first thing a man looks at in a woman, is her heart.
The fact that her breasts block the view is not her fault.
There's a blind hooker in town.
She never sees anyone coming.
Why did everyone run from the Mexican when he went to the snack bar?
He said "¡Hola snack bar!" ¡Hola means hello in Spanish.
Why can’t girls in the Middle East smoke weed?
Because they’ll get stoned.
Your mum is so fat, when she roleplayed Wonder Woman, she couldn't fit in the invisible jet.
What did the girl and the orphan have in common? Their parents weren't home.
Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.
That made my father very mad, as we didn’t have a fireplace.
Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road?
He was stuck in the crack.
What kind of candy do astronauts eat in space?
Mars bars.
The only letters in the alphabet that you know are "KFC."
What does Kobe now have in common with his helicopter?
They both have torn rotators.
There were three men in a car: the driver, a homeless man, and a rapper. The driver takes them to the woods and says, "I'm not really a cab driver, I'm a wanted killer." The homeless man says, "I'm not really homeless," and pulls out a chain. The rapper says, "If we're gonna be completely honest, I'm not a rapper, I'm a cop!"
Do not roast. *sigh in depression*
Who was the most successful transgender and transracial person in history?
Michael Jackson. He grew up a poor, black boy, and died a rich, white woman.
I was making holy water, and my girlfriend walked in, saying, "What are you doing?"
I said, "Making holy water."
She said, "How are you making holy water?"
I'm boiling the hell out of it.
Q: What do you call a girl walking down a street?
A: Lost, she's supposed to be in the kitchen.
What do Michael Jackson and ACN have in common? They both go in little kids.
My grandfather was the type of person who never threw anything away.
He died in World War II holding on to a hand grenade.
A man was sitting in the restaurant and ordered a whole buffet. He is visited by an oracle. Apollo says, "If you eat that buffet, everyone you love will die."
"Up yours," the man said, "What are they going to die of, famine?"
Moments later, there was an incident that took place in the restaurant. Everyone literally died. It turned out the restaurant had a B-. I said, "Is that really a thing groaning on the hospital?"
The doctor said, "Know that is your condition, you have hepatitis B-."
"What the FU***** SH**"
Apollo is sitting in Mount Olympus, dying also in laughter.