INS jokes
So, Little Johnny's teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it. One day in class, Johnny raises his hand and says, "Teacher, I'll bet you $50 I can guess what color your underwear is." She replies, "Okay, meet me after class and we'll settle it." But before class ends, she goes to the restroom and removes her panties. After class is over and the students clear out, Johnny makes his guess. "Blue." "Nope. You got it wrong," she says as she lifts her skirt to reveal she isn't wearing any underwear. "Well, come with me out to my dad's car, he's waiting for me, and I'll get you the money." She follows him out. When they get to the car, she informs his dad that he got the bet wrong and that she showed Johnny that she wasn't wearing any underwear. His dad exclaims: "That mother fucker! He bet me $100 this morning that he'd see your pussy before the end of the day!"
Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it was stuck in a crack.
There are only 363 days in a year for orphans because Mother's Day and Father's Day don't count.
If I'm ugly, why do you always look at me when I come in the door?
What do you do when a person with epilepsy gets seizures in the bathtub? Throw in some laundry.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. A face like yours belongs in a zoo. Don't worry, I'll be there too. Not in the cage, but laughing at YOU!
Why were the Twin Towers mad? Because when they spawned in a Minecraft world, all they got was plains.
What do girls and noodles have in common?
They both wiggle when you eat them.
What do food and dark humor have in common? Some people don’t get it.
Billy: *spits out food*
Mom: BILLY! We swallow what we have in our mouths.
Dad: *looks at mom*
Mom: Shut up.
If you get it, you get it.
I looked in the mirror yesterday. I still have nightmares...
Q: Who are the fastest readers? A: Twin Tower victims, they got 80 stories in ten seconds.
Q: How many ADHD kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Wanna go ride a bike?
What's the difference between a pile of babies and a Porsche?
I don't have a Porsche in my garage.
I was making sandcastles with my Nan, then my mum came in the room and took away the urn.
What does a roller coaster and Michael Jackson have in common?
Kids ride for free.
Gay sex is a real pain in the ass.
A man comes home and hears his wife talking about having sex at the club. The man busts into the club with a revolver and says, "WHO TF FUCKED MY WIFE?" Well, everyone looks over and is quiet, and someone in the back says, "Mate, you don't have enough bullets."
The teacher asked, "Why are you in school on a Saturday?"
I told her my mum told me to go to hell.
So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan.
When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.
"Wait a minute," I said. This distinctly tastes like horse semen.
Then it clicked.
"Ah, so that's how you died."