INS jokes

I can’t remember if I already said this or not. I might have already said this. Also, this is a true story.

So, I’m walking into a store in Amish country, and there’s this guy with a bear trap. Then my mom’s friend says, "This guy’s gonna catch some bears." Then the Amish guy stops, looks around, and whispers, “It’s for democrats.”

Don’t criticize someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.

So, when you criticize them, they won’t be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you’ll have their shoes.

Why did the orphan fail in baseball?

He couldn't find home.

Why do orphans like Spider-Man?

'Cause they really enjoy Far From Home and No Way Home. Damn, was he mad about Spider-Man Homecoming!

Little Herobrine, I'm cumming in ur mom! Call me Saddam Hussein cuz I'm dropping rap bombs!!

What do a stripper and a coconut have in common? They both have a creamy center.

I have a Twin Towers model in my room.

It got infested with jumping spiders.

Why did the cops come over?

Because parents had kids in their basement.

Why do people make fun of you jokes in worst jokes ever? Because it is called "worst jokes ever."

Everyone always has a special person in their life someday, but I think yours got ran over by a bus.

Hey girl, are your pants a mirror? 'Cause I can see myself in them.

Elderly man: Can I get a discount, please? I fought in World War 2.

Cashier: Sure!

Elderly man: Danke.

A farmer artificially impregnated a cow. The cow said to another cow, "It's a miracle, I'm pregnant." The other cow said, "That's impossible, it's only us cows in the field, you must be joking." The first cow said, "Nope, I'm serious... no bull!"

What do a stool and an emo have in common?

They both sit still.

I always wear Puma, put my balls in your mouth.

So your wife has died, and now she is marginally better in bed than before.

If you really want to get her to wiggle, simply add maggots.

How do you bury a prostitute?

In a Y-shaped coffin.

Who are the fastest readers?

9/11 victims, they went through 91 stories in 11.2 seconds.

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and called it "Hot Wheels."

Johnny is on his way to school when he comes across a frog. With a sudden inspirational thought, he picks the frog up, shoves a firecracker up the frog's arse, lights the cracker, and blows the frog to smithereens.

Now at school, the teacher asks the class: "Has anybody got anything for show and tell this morning?"

Johnny waves his arm in the air and is virtually screaming "Me mis me mis me mis".

"Ok Johnny, what do you have to share with the class today?"

Little Johnny then says, "Well on my way to school today I shoved a cracker up a frog's arse." The teacher interrupts and says, "It's not arse Johnny, It's rectum."

Johnny then says, "Fucking oath it wrecked 'im."