Injury jokes

I was anonymous with the previous jokes. I will now go by "I can fly! *falls*."

What's black and white and red all over? A mime I hit with my car.

Today was a bittersweet day...

Bad news is my friend was assaulted. Good news is I successfully sneak attacked someone!

Yo momma's so short that she fell off the toilet and broke her leg.

What goes Snap, Crackle, and Pop?

A neck.

My therapist told me time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him. Now we wait.

My step-dad works at a lumberjack company and he took me to work. I went climbing trees later that day and now I'm in the hospital.

I gave a blind man a gun and told him it was a hair dryer.

What will happen if someone kicks you right in the balls?

You will be like, "Ow, my nuts!"

Instead of Edward Scissorhands, I’m Edwardscissor wrists.

What is red and looks like a zebra?

My arm. Hehhehehehe UwU

Gwen: Hi sir, how are you?

Tj: Good... you?

Gwen: I am super duper good! And where is your date? It seems like you need one 😉!

Tj: 😏.

Gwen: Here, this is your guest hall pass...you may...come in my friend!

Tj: Thanks but um, don't you think you should be um getting inside too?

Gwen: 🙁 No thanks sir but I have to work...I am the staff so bye! 😁.

Tj: NO!!!!!!

1 day later.

Gwen: 🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤰🤰🤰👩‍👧‍👦

So there's a little girl playing hopscotch at the front of her house while her mother hangs up the washing and her father mows the lawn. She says, "Step on a crack and you break your mother's back." The father laughs, until his daughter steps on a crack resulting in her mother's back breaking.

The little girl's father looks in terror, she then says, "Step on a line and you break your father's spine." The father closes his eyes waiting for his spine to break, but nothing happens. When he opens his eyes again he sees that he is ok, and nothing has happened to him. Suddenly he hears someone yell out "OW MY SPINE!" The father runs around the corner to see the mailman laying on the floor.

Broke my toenail yesterday. I'm now presenting you puns/jokes:

1. "Yeah, I broke my toenail, wanna see phoTOES?" 2. "I'm tired of bandaging my toe! Oh. My. GAUZE."

What do you call a person with a hole in their head? Dead.

I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hairdryer.

My bad, I kick me bad in if balls, and he got so fucking mad.

I would like to dedicate this song to a friend of mine, who was run over last week and is in hospital.

The wheels on the bus go round and round!

What did the bull say when got hit in the special area? "Damn my bulls!" Ahahaha

I'm stumped.

I have no toes, so I put blood on my foot, and then my other foot got run over, so, ye.