What's black, white, and red all over?
A nun that fell down the stairs.
What's black, white, and laughing?
The nun that pushed her.
My sister got in a car crash a couple days ago. When she got to the hospital, the doctor told her that she needed to get metal mechanics in her leg. She got really scared and yelled at the doctor telling them that, “I will not get those implanted in my leg.” I guess she just doesn’t associate with knee gears.
Why did the man with no arms fall off his bike? Someone threw a washing machine at him.
A man walked into a bar... He got seven stitches.
Why did Timmy fall down the stairs? Because he fell of his wheelchair
What's the worst part about hearing a special needs kid getting hit by a car?
Having to listen to the wheelchair scraping for a mile and a half.
Why was the boy crying?
He had a frog stapled to his face.
Did you hear about the guy who got his left side chopped off?
Well, he’s all right now!
What do you call a bad amputation?
A rip-off.
There once was a brother and a sister. So, one night, it's storming really bad and the sister goes into the brother's room and asks, "Can I stay with you tonight because I'm scared?" The brother replies with, "Yeah, sure, but just don't tell Mom." So the girl climbs into the bed and looks under the sheets to see the boy's penis and asks, "What's that?" And the boy replies with, "That's my pet snake." And the girl asks, "Can I pet it?" And the boy says, "Sure, just don't tell Mom." And the boy falls asleep and wakes up in a hospital and asks, "What happened?" And the girl said, "I pet the snake but it spit on me so I bit its head off."
I hit myself on a window yesterday. I really felt the pane.
What's got 6 legs, 3 arms, and 3 heads?
The finish line at the Boston marathon.
What's brown and rather bad for your dental health?
- A baseball bat.
I was hiking once with my girlfriend. Suddenly a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad. We must have come close to her cubs. Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace.
What happened to the blind man's son?
He thought he was hitting a piñata.
What has 4 legs and 1 arm?
A Doberman in a playground.
“What happens to an Asian man when he runs into a brick wall with an erection?”
“A broken nose.”
What do you get when you put a baby in a box of razor blades and throw it down the stairs?
An erection!
What has two legs and is red all over?
Half a cat.
What's red and in a corner?
A baby with a razor blade.
What's green and in a corner?
The same baby three weeks later.
