Injury jokes
What do you call an injured person who doesn't want to play a game with you? A sore loser.
So, I'm sitting here smacking on some cheese ball BBQ, my titties, and then I saw the most a shoe got shoveled all the way up my ass. I cried, then turned around and said, "MOTHERFUCKING COCK SUCK FUCKIN GAY ASS HOE SHOVIN SHOE'S UP MY ASS SON OF A BITCH!" Then turned around, punched the guy, got smacked in the face, went in for another punch, got smacked in the face, then people staring at me. I said, "WTF are you staring at?" I punched as hard as I can, then got knocked out. I thought this, "This isn't over motherfucker, I'm gonna find you and kill you." Next thing I knew, I was in the hospital. They told me, "Why tf were you fighting a stop sign?" I said, "What? You were fighting a motherfuckering stop sign?" I said, "Bitch, I ain't crazing yo head a stop sign son of a bitch fuck my pussy u must be high! hai es a bitch muhfuhcka"
Why did the director have an injured leg? Cause he couldn't find the right cast.
Yo mama so hairy, you almost died from a rug burn!
What's the difference between my thighs and my eyebrows? Nothing, I slit both of them.
If I stepped on a Twix, would you get mad?
What can change color and get beat up?
You.
Your mom's so heavy that it caused Atlas, the Titan, to slip a disc.
People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"
And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"
People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"
And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"
What does grass and Rachel Sutherland’s wrists have in common: nothing, they both get cut.
If someone with a lisp dropped a hammer on their foot, would they be Thor?
Well, I didn’t get as high as I wanted to, but I’m high enough that if I fall I’d probably break something.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
When a guy falls, it hurts them there. When a woman falls, it hurts more.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
It depends on how hard you throw them. 😈😈
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but a crowbar could do it so much quicker.
Why do we tell actors to break a leg?
So they can get in the cast!
Why do you tell actors to break a leg? Because every play has a cast.
What do you call an athlete who injured 75% of his spine?
A quarterback.