Im jokes

When Caesar’s wife told him she dreamed he should beware the Ides of March, he scoffed and said, “What? It’s not like I’m gonna be stabbed 23 times by my best buddies!”

Why am I happy? I'm dead.

FRIEND: Hey, want to come to my house?

LONELY ORPHAN/TRUMP: Want to come to my orphange?

FRIEND: Dude, I'm blocking you!

LONELY ORPHAN: :(

I’m am very sad that you guys are making fun of adopted kids because I am adopted :( :( 😢 🥺 😢 😭😭

One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish.

I’m breaking up with you, bitch.

What did the rapper say to the traffic jam?

"Move over, I'm about to drop some FIRE!"

What is you main food?

Me: Pizza cause I'm cheesy.

Friend: Chocolate chips cause I have a lot of friends.

Girlfriend: Donut cause I have a lot of cream.

I'm at the circus, Noah O'Brien.

When do you go at stop and stop when done?

I don't know, I'm not a pedophile.

Sailors are coming onto the boardwalk and are met by Colonel Sanders. He asks them, "What is your occupation?" They respond, "We are seamen." So he says, "Well, you better wash up 'cause I'm finger lickin' good!"

A dad and his son walk out to the middle of the woods armed only with a shovel and a lantern.

Son: "Dad, it's creepy out here!"

Dad: "You're complaining? I'm the one that has to leave the woods alone!"

if an atom makes up everything im still suprised how it made ur mom

"That's not my age; it's just not true.

My heart is young; the time just flew.

I'm staring at this strange old face, and someone else is in my space."

Grandma: calls You: Hello Grandma, what are you doing? Why, you can't mean I'm right in the house right now? Grandma: I didn't mean to call you, bye.

A little chimney said: "Ooooh, I think my house owner is making a fire in me! I'm about to smoke!"

The big chimney said next to him: "Well, you're too young to smoke..."

At work: Hey guys, I'm gonna Arnold clock out now.

Who are you?

Oh, I'm an orphan!

Oh... bye! :/

My hairline may be straight, but I’m not.

What did the boy say to his fingers? I'm counting on you.

I just got my doctor's test results and I'm really upset about it. Turns out, I'm not gonna be a doctor.