Im jokes

I'M SOOOO SAD. (I have depression btw)

"Ethan is gay," you say that, but first, who asked? And second, where's your mum at? Correction, where's your family, so how dare you? Now in the comments say sorry, or I'm coming for you! 😡😡😜😝

I'm black, and I have a dying family in my basement that hasn't eaten in 2 weeks. They need help.

Btw, it's a joke lol.

When do you go at stop and stop when done?

I don't know, I'm not a pedophile.

Sailors are coming onto the boardwalk and are met by Colonel Sanders. He asks them, "What is your occupation?" They respond, "We are seamen." So he says, "Well, you better wash up 'cause I'm finger lickin' good!"

A little chimney said: "Ooooh, I think my house owner is making a fire in me! I'm about to smoke!"

The big chimney said next to him: "Well, you're too young to smoke..."

What is you main food?

Me: Pizza cause I'm cheesy.

Friend: Chocolate chips cause I have a lot of friends.

Girlfriend: Donut cause I have a lot of cream.

At work: Hey guys, I'm gonna Arnold clock out now.

Kid: Dad, what's a dark joke?

Dad: Well, you see that guy over there? Tell him to wave.

Kid: But Dad, I'm blind.

Dad: Exactly, also the dude had no arm.

I'm an orphan, so kidnap me.

I'm so emo, my blood is black.

Hi guys, jokes for sister.

So I was listening to a song about "I hate you, are annoying, sister. I'm small and I'm smart," and when I showed it to her, she killed me, and later I was dancing and crying.

Hi, I'm Depraashin.

Hi, I'm rope. May I hang with you guys?

What's the difference between a baby and a salad?

I'm not in jail for tossing a salad.

Doctor: I’m so sorry, sir, but you only have a couple months left.

The sir: My children will be devastated.

Doctor: But I have a shot that can change that.

The sir: Whatever it takes.

*Suppressed gunshots*

Bully: My mom says I'm not allowed to burn trash.

Me: (quiet)

Bully: HEY I'M TALKING TO YOU.

Me: Are you talking to yourself? Because I was listening to music until I heard you.

I was in my first space mission for NASA. As we were orbiting the asteroid belt, I saw a figure. I couldn’t tell who it was, but he spoke Spanish with an Argentinian accent. He said, “I’m looking for my freekicks and penalties, can you help me find them?” We then decided to aid him.

Go to community, I'm bored.

If you make jokes about SH, you're not funny, and if you do, I'm gonna assume you're some 12-year-old who wants to be an edge lord. I don't really care if people get pressed.

My gf told me she was pregnant. So I punched her in the stomach.

She asked me "Why the hell did you do that?!?!?" "I wanted to let you know I'm pro abortion."