Im jokes

I know I'm valuable.

I come with a barcode.

Doctor: You should stop masturbating.

Me: Doc, I'm almost done.

I'm Joe Biden's husband.

What's the difference between a dead baby in my trash can and a discarded sex toy?

...

I'm still trying to think of an answer.

So, a husband and a wife have three kids. The husband is on his death bed, and he looks up at his wife and says, "Honey, is our youngest son truly and honestly mine?" She says in response, "I swear on everything that is good and holy, our youngest son is yours." He dies peacefully.

Then she says under her breath, "I'm glad he didn't ask about the first two."

An orphan goes to a doctor.

Doctor: "Sorry, I can't help you."

Orphan: "But why?"

Doctor: "I'm a family doctor."

Dear doctor,

I've heard it's a good sign when women scream your first name during sex, but recently women have been screaming my full name. It's weird, I feel like I'm famous. Can you tell me what this means?

Yours Truly, Ray Palp

I’m like an escalator; I always let people down.

I’m like an escalator because I’m always letting people down.

I'm back on BIGO Live.

It’s nice hitting it from the back when my wife has wide hips.

Her butt cheeks look like big huge ball sacks as my thighs smack up against them when I’m thrusting. I like to finish off by grinding my weiner up and down her back like a gay man frotting his schlong on his partner’s ding dong.

My dad said not to touch this thingy called a gun, but I looked down that pole and pressed that thing, and now I'm in heaven.

Vegan Teacher the musical.

Miss Kadie - "Oh no, you poor dead animal!"

Mr. Beast- 🎶 "You're a dumb Communist, Miss Kadie" 🎶

Chandler-🎵 "Yup, you're one high fluting son of a gun" 🎵

Mr. Beast- 🎵 "I just gobbled up a quadruple patty from my restaurant" 🎵

Miss Kadie - 🎵 "Don't hurt animals kids, do you want to be a vegans 'R' us kid?" 🎵

Kids- 🎵 "We've had enough of your problems, Miss Kadie, you're such a commie!"

Miss Kadie - 🎵 "I just want to die because I'm so sad!"

- Miss Kadie jumps off Mr. Beast Burger and commits suicide.

I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and eat it.

Mommy, when will daddy come back?

I'm not your mom...

I'm sick of crying; tired of trying; yes, I'm still smiling; inside I'm dying.

Many were curious about how methane ended up on Mars.

I'm pretty sure it was because of Uranus.

I was walking to the store, and then this boy told me, "I'm an orphan and I have no money." He wanted M\&Ms. I gave him a family-sized bag.

So, I remember growing my own peanuts really well. There's one that's larger than the others. I can't keep my eye off of it.

I'm scared that it moves at night.

I'm being serious. I literally can't keep my eye off it.

What did Little Johnny say to his dad?

Johnny: "Dad, please not again! I'm too young!"