Im jokes

I'm required by law to tell you I am a registered sex offender.

Hello my fellow Americans, I'm playing Clash Royale for the USA clan, and two towers are already gone?

A fat man coming in the store.

Waiter: Oh god, not again :|

Fat man: Hi, I would like three fries and 19 burgers.

Waiter: Sorry sir, you will get the owner's store out of stock on food. Can I get you a salad instead?

Fat man: Oh sorry, but I'm the owner, and I have a lot of stocks. For the record, you should get yourself my order. You're skinny af, girl. You trying to be a stick or something?

I think I banged a Chinese celebrity...

She kept screaming “I’m Wei Tu Yung” like I was supposed to know the name.

My grandad said I'm too reliant on technology, so I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

One day there was a frantic call at the fire department:

"Help me, help me! There is a cat meowing nearby. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me, can you help me, and send the fire squad right away?"

"Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax and wait until he leaves."

"You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me, it is going to be fatal!"

"Cats aren’t venomous or in any other way dangerous, now who is calling?"

"I’m Indy's parrot you twit! Now help me! Please help, please help!"

1st daughter: Dad, I'm lesbian!

Dad: Oh, OK!

2nd daughter: I'm also lesbian.

Dad: WTF, does any 1 in this family love dicks?!?

Son: I do...

I'm about to say this but.....

*whentheimposterissus*

Stop making these stop jokes. I'm running out of laugh gas.

Mom: Let's have an adoption party!

Kid: *cries*

Mom: What's wrong?

Kid: I'M ADOPTED????

Make this the most liked comment!

(I'm a girl btw)

;)

I was an orphan as a kid, and I'm pretty sure my favorite thing was seeing parents with their kids.

I think we know why.

I don't struggle with depression- like, at this point, I have it down. I'm good at depression.

Little William punched Little Johnny in the face. Then Little Johnny says, "If you do that again, I'm gonna turn your fucking nuts into coconut juice."

I would tell you a recycling joke.

But I’m afraid it’d just be reused over and over.

Dad: Are you gay?

Kid: Yes.

10 days later.

Kid: I’m going to my girlfriend's house.

Dad: I thought you were gay?

Kid: What’s wrong with you? He’s the girly girl of our relationship, dumba**.

Dad: Don’t swear and okay, bud.

I know I'm valuable.

I come with a barcode.

Doctor: You should stop masturbating.

Me: Doc, I'm almost done.

I'm Joe Biden's husband.

What's the difference between a dead baby in my trash can and a discarded sex toy?

...

I'm still trying to think of an answer.