Im jokes
My dad said not to touch this thingy called a gun, but I looked down that pole and pressed that thing, and now I'm in heaven.
Vegan Teacher the musical.
Miss Kadie - "Oh no, you poor dead animal!"
Mr. Beast- 🎶 "You're a dumb Communist, Miss Kadie" 🎶
Chandler-🎵 "Yup, you're one high fluting son of a gun" 🎵
Mr. Beast- 🎵 "I just gobbled up a quadruple patty from my restaurant" 🎵
Miss Kadie - 🎵 "Don't hurt animals kids, do you want to be a vegans 'R' us kid?" 🎵
Kids- 🎵 "We've had enough of your problems, Miss Kadie, you're such a commie!"
Miss Kadie - 🎵 "I just want to die because I'm so sad!"
- Miss Kadie jumps off Mr. Beast Burger and commits suicide.
I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and eat it.
Mommy, when will daddy come back?
I'm not your mom...
I'm sick of crying; tired of trying; yes, I'm still smiling; inside I'm dying.
Many were curious about how methane ended up on Mars.
I'm pretty sure it was because of Uranus.
I was walking to the store, and then this boy told me, "I'm an orphan and I have no money." He wanted M\&Ms. I gave him a family-sized bag.
So, I remember growing my own peanuts really well. There's one that's larger than the others. I can't keep my eye off of it.
I'm scared that it moves at night.
I'm being serious. I literally can't keep my eye off it.
What did Little Johnny say to his dad?
Johnny: "Dad, please not again! I'm too young!"
Women are like blackjack. I’m trying for 21, but I always hit on 9.
How long does it take for a depressed person to change a light bulb?
5 days. & I’m pretty proud of myself.
A Down syndrome child is drowning, he calls for help with all of his voice: "Somebody help me!! I'm Downing!"
BA DUM TSS
Some guy asked me, "Are you better than my meat?" I said, "No, I'm not better, I just beat it all the time."
I saw a Cuban prisoner. I asked, "Why are you running from the cops?" He said, "I'M FREE AT LAST!"
DB: I'm the only shotgun with more than 1 barrel!
Lancaster: Are you sure about that?
DB: huh?
Lancaster: I have 4 barrels!
DB: WHAT!?
Penta Barrel: I got 5!
DB: *insert becoming uncanny*
Dual Hexagon shotgun: I got 12!
The others: HOW!?
*and that's how an argument started.*
roses are red, unlike the rest, I'm the one who has your IP address.
A straight man and a gay man are talking. The straight man says, "I'm wanted in 2 states for murder." and the gay man replies with, "Oh, that sucks. I'm wanted in 13 for existing."
What do you call a genderless child?
It's not a mister, it's not a misses, I'm more for a mystery.
A man walks into an enchanted forest and tries to cut down a talking tree.
“You can’t cut me down,” the tree exclaims, “I’m a talking tree!” The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will have dialogue.”
My mom told me to recycle the trash. I guess I’m taking you for another bike ride!