Im jokes

First Date: HE: "I work with animals every day!" SHE: "Oh how sweet! What is it that you do?" HE: "I’m a butcher." SHE: "Perfect! I work with humans, I just kill them by cutting them up!"

HE: "So it's you in the newspaper?" SHE: "Yes, it was, wanna be next?" HE: "No!"

First Date: HE: "I work with animals every day!"

SHE: "Oh how sweet! What is it that you do?"

HE: "I'm a butcher."

SHE: "We're through!"

So, you're human, huh? Well, I'm a skeleton, so not much gets under my skin.

Me: I’m gonna smite the life out of you!!!

Orphan: What! No! Please no!

Me: What you gonna do? Run home and tell your parents? Wait, I forgot, you don’t have a home or parents!!!!

I don't think I'm allergic to this.

Hey, wanna hear a construction joke?

Other person: Yes.

Sorry, I'm still working on it! 😅

My sister said to kill myself, so now I’m in the hospital hoping to die.

If this is offensive to anyone, I'm sorry! Hey, wanna see something funny? Go look in your mirror!

So, I walked into the kitchen and saw my mom had made cookies. I stole one, not noticing my mom was behind me.

So my mom said, "Put the cookie back, kid!" and I said I wasn't gonna eat it. Then she said, "Never mind, I'll get your father." So my mom said, "Honey, deal with your son; I'm going to the mall!" And my dad said, "Son, if you're not allowed to have a cookie before dinner!"

So he went into his room, and I heard the belt, and I was going to run, but I knew it would be worse. So he said, "This will be your punishment." As he was getting ready to hit me, I said, "Daddy, no, please, I wasn't gonna eat it!" But he said, "No, you won't change my mind, little boy!" Then he hit me. Thank you for reading! Stay healthy and stay safe in this time. Bye!!! Read more of my jokes; they'll probably be around the website!!

My wife thinks I'm immature, so I told her to get out of my fort.

Homeless person says to a rich person, "I'm homeless."

Rich person: "Then buy a house!"

I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said no, "Why the fuck would I adopt you?" and I said "I'm gonna kill myself," and she also said, "Make sure you do it right this time."

Me: Shut up! If you don't shut up, I'm gonna tell your parents!

You: Why? I don't have any.

Well, I didn’t get as high as I wanted to, but I’m high enough that if I fall I’d probably break something.

Hi, I'm the wicked wiener!!!

I'm pretty sure that "MOI MOI" means "ME! ME!" does it?

A kid is trick-or-treating. He knocks on a door. Then someone opens the door and the kid said, "HI, I'M THE WICKED WIENER!"

Kid says, “Are you a soldier?”

Soldier says, “Mhm.”

Kid says, “I wanna be a soldier someday.”

Soldier says, “Really?”

The kid says, “Yeah, but father says I don’t have the balls to be a soldier, but he’s right. I’m a FUCKING PRETTY PRETTY PRINCESS!!!"

I know I'm valuable, I come with a barcode ;)

I'm Priya.