Im jokes

I have a brother and he told me this quote, "No wonder they had a second child, they messed up on the first one." He’s the second child... I’m the first...

Hitler visits a lunatic asylum. The patients give the Hitler salute. As he passes down the line, he comes across a woman who isn't saluting.

"Why are you not saluting like the others?" Hitler barks.

"Mein Führer, I'm the nurse," she responds. "I'm not crazy!"

I'm so poor that when people come over to my house, I come out the window and say, "Ding Dong!"

Why can’t orphans say "I’m in the ghetto?" Because they can’t say "I’m in a home."

One time in camp, I kissed my bunkmate Bret in the shower. He cupped my breasts and lathered them in Prell, but I'm totally not gay... :)

Give Kobe a plane ticket, he'll fly for the trip, but give Kobe a helicopter and he'll fly for the rest of his life.

I'M GOING TO HELL FOR THIS!!!

I tried my best to think of some puns, but I'm gonna have tibia honest: I don't have any puns left, but I'm pretty sternum, so I'll think of a few puns here and there. It took a lot of spine to do this.

Two windmills were standing in a wind farm. One asked, "What's your favorite type of music?" The other one replied... "I'm a big metal fan."

What is you main food?

Me: Pizza cause I'm cheesy.

Friend: Chocolate chips cause I have a lot of friends.

Girlfriend: Donut cause I have a lot of cream.

Call me Kobe Bryant, cause I'm gonna helicopter out of this one.

I heard Kobe was writing a book about helicopters, but it just wouldn't land with people...

I know, I'm going to hell!

Sometimes I have this incredible urge to grab a child from school and yell, "I'm you from the future!"

I'm Batman.

A boy was following me for 8 years, even into the stall. I finally told him I’m not gay.

Dad, I'm hungry.

Hi, hungry, I'm Dad! 👋🍪🍩🍬🌮🍔🍗🍟🍤🍉🍭🍫🍰

I'm Clueless.

By M. T. Head.

Someone asked me if I've ever tried to kill myself. I responded, "Absolutely. A few times actually. I'm just not very good at it."

What did one Koala say to the other?

"Help me I'm burning. Aaaugh!!! Oh fuck oh fuck I'm on fire!! AAAAaugh!"

How to tell your kid he's adopted:

Son, I'm a virgin.

Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?

Because they don’t have pockets. I’m