Im

Im jokes

Gun

    • Me: Hi, my name is...

    Bro: Hey guys! So who are you?

    Me: Hey, stop dude!

    Bro: How is it going, bro--

    Me: SHUT UP!

    Bro: Is that a gun?

    Me: *Pointing at bro*

    Bro: Dude, I'm...

    Me: *BANG* *BANG*

    Me: Finally, it's over.

    Food

    • Hey, I got some Domino's pizza, salad, breadsticks, and chicken wings for everyone. Yeah, but make sure Ms. Mandingo gorilla don't eat all up, because if she do, I'm going have to shove it up her fur.

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    • Vampire

    • Every time I come straight home from work, you're in the bed asleep and back there dead like a vampire in a casket.

    Then the next thing I noticed, you just came back from the dead in no time, dummy.

    Bear

    • A bear and a rabbit are at a bar getting high, smoking weed, talking about nothing but lies and straight up garbage.

    And then the bear starts to drink too much damn liquor, gets drunk, and asks the rabbit, "Can I have one more scotch, pretty please?"

    And the rabbit says, "Hell to the naw, I'm not about to carry your drunk ass home with me and smell your breath."

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    • Sex

    • Little Johnny was playing with dick when his teacher walked in the room. She asked him what he was doing, he said Im doing my homework. The teacher saw how big his cock was and asked him to have sex with her. He willingly did so. Little johnny was already 25 so it didn't matter. The only thing was that he was homeschooled.

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    • Monopoly

    • I'm in jail for 5 minutes and I already got fucked 15 times. You don't have any idea how much I hate playing Monopoly with my dad.

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    • Lesson

    • I was walking home, then I saw a "Wait" sign. A man came and took me. I'm still waiting for him to ask for a lesson.

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    • Rape

    • Roses are red. Violets are blue. We're gonna make love because I'm stronger than you.

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    • Squirrel

    • Q: How do you get a squirrel to like you? A: Act like a nut! 😂

    Q: Why don't eggs tell jokes? A: Because they'd crack each other up.

    Son: Dad, can you put my shoes on? Dad: No, son, I don't think they would fit me.

    I'm on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.

    I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.

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    • Math test

    • So, Little Johnny comes home from school knowing damn well he messed up his math test. His mother and father get home and he tells them, "Mom, I failed my math test." His mother aggressively says, "Get the belt!" Johnny says, "Why?" His mother says, "I'm gonna spank you for failing!" Johnny says, "So just like daddy?" His father turns red knowing what they did last night.

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