Child abortion is like tax evasion: the more you lose, the less problems you have.
Illegal Jokes
What do you call a criminal?
Disarmed and dangerous.
I'm illegal.
There was an illegal alien woman who wanted to be called "undocumented." So, I had "undocumented" sex with her and threatened to have her deported if she reported me for rape. I'd call it even.
"Black midget porn is in 911."
I looked up how fast cum shoots and it said 28 mph. That means that ejaculation is illegal in school zones!
"You are under arrest for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia!"
"Wait! I can explain everything!"
What's a pirate's favorite letter?
(People will then say "r")
Arrr, you think it be "r" but really it's the "C" that they love.
What's a pirate's least favorite letter?
Dear sir,
You are being investigated for downloading illegal copyrighted material, and your internet will be cut off.
Why is it illegal to do reverse cowgirl in Alabama? You never turn your back to your family.
How can a prostitute make more money than a drug dealer?
She can clean her crack and sell it again.
I bought drugs today.
What does a kite and a criminal have in common?
They both get high.
A man walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, "May I have a bottle of arsenic, please?" She is shocked. "Why would you want something like that?" The man calmly tells her, "I want to poison my unfaithful wife and her lover." The pharmacist is now horrified. She said, "I can not possibly give you that. It is completely illegal and I would lose my license and be prosecuted for conspiracy and murder!" At this point the man hands the pharmacist a photo of his unfaithful wife having sex with the pharmacist's husband. She examines it then looks up at him. "Oh. I didn't know you had a prescription."
Technically, suicide is murder, and murder is illegal, so if I kill myself, my body should go to jail.
Dad: Come on, David, go dress up like a girl.
David: Isn't that illegal?
Dad: Nah, it isn't illegal if you keep the buttons in.
David: I hate my life.
What happened to the frog that parked illegally?
He was toad away.
Get it?
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
Why did Mexicans go to Area 51?
To show them what a real illegal alien looks like.
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack, then sell it again.
So Kenny finally found his one true love.
But he can't be with her because it's illegal to marry your sister.
