If jokes
If there was a zombie, you would not die because you have no brain.
What do you get if you cross a gorilla and a prisoner? A kong-vict.
Hey guys, how was your day?
If you ask me the same question, here's the answer: depressing.
I still haven't made any friends on this app. All I do is read and comment on old jokes or opinions.
My wife and I have reached the decision that we do not want children.
If anyone does, please comment your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
If a man travels 14 miles to buy a loaf of bread, how long will it take for him to realise that living in the countryside is shit?
If someone with a lisp dropped a hammer on their foot, would they be Thor?
If you overdose on Viagra, do you die... hard?
If a wizard gets robbed by a muggle, has he been muggled?
“If you're a dwarf and you're offended by that, grow up.”
If you're bored, just go hit an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
People ask me if my friend jumps off a bridge, will I go as well? Of course not. I am a leader; I will go first, my friend will jump after me!
Like and comment if you play Fortnite!
If an emo doesn't get better by Christmas, Santa's reindeer won't be the only thing jumping off roofs this year.
If Shaquille O’Neal had a boat, he would’ve named it Freethrow, because he will never sink it.
Me to friend: I'm homeschooled.
Friend: If I was homeschooled, I'd kms.
Me: Oh, I already tried that.
If you’re bored, go punch an orphan. What are the parents gonna do?
My wife and I have decided that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Son: Dad, I have black skin and you have white skin, are you sure you're my parents?
Dad: Oh... well I never thought it would come to this, or to your head that you were kidnapped...
Son: Am I kidnapped?
Dad: Well, you're adopted, and if you want to see your biological parents, they’ll be waiting for you in heaven.
If I had a dollar for every gender, I would have 2 dollars and a bunch of counterfeits.
A bus full of nuns falls off a cliff and they all die. They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them, “Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all through the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question.”
St. Peter turns to the first nun in the line and asks her, “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” The Sister responds, “Well... there was this one time... that I kinda sorta... touched one with the tip of my pinky finger...” St. Peter says, “Alright Sister, now dip the tip of your pinky finger in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted.” and she did so.
St. Peter now turns to the second nun and says, “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” “Well.... There was this one time... that I held one for a moment...” “Alright Sister, now just wash your hands in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted” and she does so.
Now at this, there is a noise, a jostling in the line. It seems that one nun is trying to cut in front of another! St. Peter sees this and asks the Nun, “Sister Susan, what is this? There is no rush!” Sister Susan responds, “Well if I’m going to have to gargle this stuff, I’d rather do it before Sister Mary sticks her ass in it!”