If jokes

The Breakfast Couples: (Bacon) - Don't go bacon my heart.

(Egg) - I couldn't if I fried.

Or is she asking her son, "Do you know Newton?"

The boy said, "No, I don't know."

She said to him, "If you had paid attention to your lessons, you would have known him!"

The boy said, "Ok, do you know Ikhlod?"

She said to him, "No, who is she?"

He said to her, "If you had paid attention to your husband, you would have known her."

The important thing is that the boy is currently a week with his uncles and a week with his turbans.

If I had a dollar for every gender, I would have 2 dollars and a bunch of counterfeits.

If you're going shopping at school, what color would I like to smell: True or False?

If you throw a nun, is it called a... Nunchuck???

If a man kills a kid, it's called Murder.

If a woman kills a kid, it's called Reproductive Rights.

What did the cancer cell say to its neighbor?

"Mind if I join you?"

What did the panther say at the poker party?

I'd be lion if I said I was a cheetah.

Like if you hate going to school.

If 80% of all suicides in the UK are males, and women want equality, then maybe they should just kill themselves.

Asian pregnancy test:

Stick a Rubix cube into pussy.

Wait 30 seconds, if it's solved then there's a little Asian in there.

What falls to the ground first if an apple and an emo kid fall from a tree?

The apple because the rope caught the emo kid.

If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?

If my phone battery lasted as long as my relationship, I would never be able to play on my phone.

If I don't find a reason to live soon, my ceiling fan isn't the only thing that's gonna be hanging from my ceiling.

The people at 9/11 must have been able to read fast. If I explain it, it won't be funny. This is an old joke my friend told me.

What happens if the dumbest person from Europe goes to the US?

The average IQ increases in both places.

My friend Liam has a hairline [if you can even call it a hairline] so bad it keeps going back for miles.

Q. There were two sisters. One was having twins and asked her sister to help name the children. If one was named Deniece, what was the other named?

A. Denephew.

Police Report: Looking for a female, light brown hair, blue eyes, freckles, and a small scar on her right check.

Last seen on CCTV wearing see-through bottoms, a pink top, and a vibrating dildo hanging out of her arse. If you find this woman, please get her to charge the dildo for excessive fun.