If jokes

"Disease" technically means "lack of ease," so if a girl is hard to get, call her a disease.

That's what Elliot Rodger did.

My wife and I just decided we don't want to have children.

So if anyone wants them, our contact information is below.

If you're bored, punch an orphan.

What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

An orphan asked if they could move into my house yesterday. I said, "Don't you have a family?"

What would happen if a dam broke when you are on it?

You would be dam unlucky.

Things I would’ve missed if my suicide attempt didn’t fail in 2020.

My attempt in 2021.

And my attempt this year.

If a blonde and a brunette jump off a building, who would hit the ground first?

The brunette, because the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions!

Just letting you know if people cry when they see you, that doesn't mean they miss you. That means they're scared of your onion breath.

If you have an emo kid army, they'll kill themselves before they get to the field.

Like if you like Logan Paul, dislike if you like Jake Paul.

If an emo kid jumps off a building, who would win?

Society.

If a man travels 14 miles to buy a loaf of bread, how long will it take for him to realise that living in the countryside is shit?

If someone with a lisp dropped a hammer on their foot, would they be Thor?

My wife and I have reached the decision that we do not want children.

If anyone does, please comment your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

If you overdose on Viagra, do you die... hard?

If you take a cap off a bottle, is it decapitation?

If an emo doesn't get better by Christmas, Santa's reindeer won't be the only thing jumping off roofs this year.

I had a great day today because Allison was frustrated at her calculator and started banging it on the side of the table, and the teacher screamed, "Allison, how would you like it if I banged you on the table?"

Today on a drive, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the people living there if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.

My parents are the worst.

If your corona test shows two lines, is that then positive or negative?