If jokes

Imagine if this got over 69 likes! Wow! 🤩 🇫🇷

I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got excited and asked if I could drive a plane.

One day in class, little Johnny was mucking around, not listening to the teacher. After 5 minutes, the teacher caught him, finished what she was saying, and said, "Little Johnny, if you weren’t listening, what was the last thing I said?" And little Johnny replied back, "You said, 'What was the last thing I said?'"

A beautiful woman is on the ledge of a bridge about to commit suicide.

A homeless man walks by her and says, "What are you doing?"

She says, "I'm going to jump!"

The homeless man says, "If you're going to kill yourself, do you wanna have sex with me first?"

The woman replies, "No way, creep! Never that!"

The homeless man doesn't seem bothered and says, "That's fine, I'll just wait 'til you're at the bottom."

It was mealtime on a small airline and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner.

"What are my choices?" he asked.

"Yes or No," she replied.

If mistakes make people human, then your parents must have been alligators before you were born.

Little Johnny got a train set for Christmas. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Alright, you motherfuckers get off here, and you motherfuckers get off here." His mom comes rushing in and says, "Little Johnny, we don’t use that kind of language, go to your room and think about what you did!"

After a few hours, she lets him out of his room. He goes back to play with his train set. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Okay, you guys get off here, and you guys get off here. And if you have any complaints about the two hour delay, take it up with the bitch in the kitchen."

Police: Where do you live? Child: With my parents.

Police: Where do your parents live? Child: With me.

Police: Where do you all live? Child: Together.

Police: Where is your house? Child: Next to my neighbor's house.

Police: Where is your neighbor's house? Child: If I tell you, would you believe me?

Police: Yes. Now tell me. Child: Next to my house.

Police: ... Child: 😊

Police: *Proceeds to beat the life out of the child*

What would Batman do if he wasn't rich?

He would be robin.

Russian Santa Claus- You better watch out, You better not cry, cause if you do I will stab your fucking eye, Russian Santa Claus does not fuck around. He's making a list, He's checking it twice... You better leave out some Vodka with ice!

If you want to see my foes, bring a shovel and bring a map and a getaway car just in case we get caught.

If a heterosexual man gets anonymous oral sex from another heterosexual man at a glory hole, it's called a "brojob", but if a homophobic heterosexual man gets anonymous oral sex from a gay man at a glory hole, it's still called a "brojob". Does it cycle now?

How to know if your wife is dead? Well, the sex is still trash, but the dishes really start to pile up.

If you are American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom?

Euro-peein'.

If we can't see air, can fish see water?

Q: If Adolf Hitler was a sea creature, which would he be?

A: Adlof-in.

Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.

Girls are like math, if they're under 10, use your fingers.

When I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got all excited and asked if I could fly a plane.

If you're going to be a smart ass, you have to be smart, or you're just an ass.