If jokes

Are you a lollipop? Because I can suck on you all day.

Are you an Oreo? Because I eat the cream first.

Are you a microwave? Because I’m trying to keep you quiet at 3:00 am.

Are you a sprinkler? Cause every time I see you I get wet.

Are you makeup? Cause I’d spend hours doing you.

Are you a guitar? Because I’d love to hear the noises you make when I play with you.

Are you an elevator? Cause I wanna ride you up and down.

Most restaurants are closed at night, but your legs aren’t.

I’m not a cashier, but you got a couple of things I wanna check out.

Are you Cinderella? Because I can see that dress coming off at midnight.

Are you a calendar? Because I want to pin you against the wall.

I don’t know what’s gotten into me lately, but I hope it’s you.

Are you a doughnut? Cause I wanna fill you with cream.

Are you a garden? Cause I want to plant some seeds inside of you.

Do you sing in the shower? Because if so, I need a private ticket of your concert.

Are your legs the twin towers? Because I’ll bomb what’s in between.

Are you a blanket? Because you’re on top of me every night.

Are you a phone? Cause I like to be on you 24/7.

Are you a roller coaster? Because the faster you go, the louder I scream.

I’m so jealous of your heart right now because it’s pounding inside of you and I’m not.

Are you a popsicle? Cause all I want to do is lick you up and down.

Are you a construction worker? Because you got me all bricked up.

Are you a fireman? Because you came in hot and left me wet.

These jokes are a little too explosive, if you ask me.

Guys, comment below if I should do a name reveal!

What do you get if you cross a loaf of bread with a vagina?

A yeast infection.

If you cut off your head, you can't breathe.

You also can't breathe if you die.

So why isn't it debreathiation?

Hello, I am back with more mind-blowing facts.

1. Why are cookies called cookies and bacon called bacon when you bake cookies and cook bacon?

2. If you tuck your shirt into your trousers and it is called tucking your shirt in, does that mean if your shirt is over your trousers, doesn't that mean it's called tucking your trousers into your shirt?

How did the skeleton know it was gonna rain?

If you said he felt it in his bones, you're wrong. He watched the weather forecast.

My friend said, "Dude, if you don't put your desk in line with the column, you're gay." So he did it, and I said, "Well, I guess now he's straight." ;D

If you're an orphan, it must be pretty hard taking "your mom" jokes.

I can always tell if someone is lying just by looking at them.

I can also tell if they are standing.

I'm bone dry in material, but I have a skeleTON of skeleton jokes. After I tell you all these rib ticklers, you will have a bone to pick with if you didn't find that funny, you outta rip my spine out.

If you tell me to get a life, you're telling me to get a life better than yours!

If you are homeless, get a home.

What do you get if you cross hot wheels, hot legs? Hehe.

If I wanted to hear beeping, I wouldn’t have pulled my grandma’s cord to live.

If you think about it, the 9/11 memorial is literally just a scoreboard.

Has anybody else noticed that out of nowhere there are always tons of people online? It's kinda trippy if I'm being honest.

If you're ever bored, just slap an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?

Grass is green. I am the queen. If only I can see you scream on the screen.

Things that rhyme with green, queen, screen: clean, between, been, ...

"If two sides in a battlefield read my book, there will be no winner."

Sun Tzu, The Art of War.