If jokes
If Slade were any more SENILE, he’d be pH 7.
If Slade were a vegetable, he’d be a BRUSSELS SPROUT... small, bitter, and NOBODY wants him at the table.
If you've spent less time inside your mother than your father has, you just might be from Alabama!
"If you're good at something, never do it for free."
Rapboat's mom charges $5 a blowie.
Only if Africa have enough mosquito nets, the mosquitos will not die of AIDS.
Memes
How can you tell if a pig is hot? It's bacon.
What’s the first thing you should do if an epileptic is having a seizure in the bathtub?
Throw in your dirty laundry!
We say “Father, I have sinned,” because it would be weird if we said, “Daddy, I have sinned,” right?
“Forgive me, Daddy, for my transgressions!” We say the “Our Father,” not the “Our Daddy.”
What if Hitler did not say "bombs away," he said "lambs are slayed?"
What’s the difference between a 5.7l v8 and a dead baby?
If you lift the hood on my car, you won’t find a 5.7l v8.
Stephen Hawking couldn't drink anything.
He'd break if he did.
I joke about 9/11 because if I did it, it would have a tendency to crash and burn.
Knock knock. Who's there? Hal. Hal who? Hal will you know if you don't open the door?
If you are wondering where the dog went, I don't know. Maybe he went barking around.
What happens if you mix the two names "Shannon" and "Stephanie"? You have the name "Shanny."
Q: If an electric train heads south, which way does the steam go?
A: No steam.
A guy walks up to me in the street and asks if you have to include the name of an animal in every sentence. I said only if it's relephant.
He says what about vegetables. I said not nesecelery.
If someone made a comedy routine about Terri Schiavo, would that be considered roasting a vegetable?
Isn't having depersonalization mean that you like the animatronics off of FNAF/Five Nights at Freddy's?
(If you don't know what depersonalization is, look it up.)
Grass is green. I am the queen. If only I can see you scream on the screen.
Things that rhyme with green, queen, screen: clean, between, been, ...