If jokes

If your butt hurts real bad, put some vapor rub and booty cream on it so it can heal back to normal.

So, if being a paedophile is a career, then burying the bodies must be gardening.

A blind old guy asked me if I had any money to spare. I laughed and said I had a gold tooth.

I don't have any now.

If babies stay in their mothers for 9 months, are they not 9 months old when they are born?

There was a man in a tower, and the other man thought it was a girl, so he said, "Let down your long hair." He said, "OK, I will let my big, super long, hairy penis down for you to climb and suck." Then the other man said, "If you have such a long dick, suck it yourself. See ya, b*tch."

If this is offensive to anyone, I'm sorry! Hey, wanna see something funny? Go look in your mirror!

I was at my boyfriend's house, and I thought he was cheating on me. He was on the phone with somebody, and he said he'd be over there soon. So I asked him if I could see his phone. He said no, and then we fought about it until I saw his gun, and because I thought he was lying to me, I shot him, went through his phone, and his friend was still on the phone.

One time a kid came to the hospital and said, "I really need help." The kid said he was really hot, so they put an ice cold towel on him.

Then the doctor asked him if he had any problems, and he said, "Yes, I am really hot." The doctor realized that he looked fine, so he said, "Are you sure? You look amazing." And the kid said that he meant to say, "I look hot!"

You know what really grinds my gears? Robots and liars...for example that Stephen Hawking fella. He sure looks and sounds like a robot!! And a major liar too! If he wanted to show me how smart he really was he would have figured out how to get up out of that four wheeler and tell me how smart he is!!!!!

So I'm the cable guy around the neighborhood, and I do everybody's cable. So I walked into this one house, and I noticed a little kid and the mom was upstairs. I was asking where her mom was, and she wasn't answering, and it looked like something was wrong, so I asked if anything was wrong. She didn't answer, so I kind of raised my voice at her, but she still didn't answer, and then I realized the hearing aid in her ear.

Like if you are straight; comment if you are LGBTQ+; dislike if you are a Nazi.

If Stephen Hawking had a FIFA card, he would have 99 dribbling.

Random person: Minecraft is actually more peaceful than real life.

Me: Well, screw life. Maybe if I light a fire on myself, I will go to Minecraft (my excuse for suicide).

If you punch an orphan, what are they going to do, tell their parents?

If you're gay, then what the f*** are you doing trying to walk straight?

If I could be any creature, I would be a Unicorn because they are Beautiful, Majestic, Sparkly, Bright, Gods. They create Joy and Happiness everywhere they go.

Unicorns made my life better when I got to know them more. ^-^ They filled my life with more Happiness. I believe in the Unicorns, and they'll believe in me. I am not a Unicorn, although I am the Princess of the Unicorn Land, but if I could be any creature, I would be a Unicorn! :P

It would be a miracle if someone figured out the length of your hairline.

Like and comment if you will be my friend!

If a pirate was a pervert, he would say, “Are you ready, kid?”

If BLESSEDBRIAN were any more inbred, he’d be a SANDWICH.