If jokes
If the red house is on the left, and the blue house on the right, where is the white house?
In Washington D.C.
How come lepers don't play cards?
Well, if they lose a couple of hands...
How did the skeleton know it was gonna rain?
If you said he felt it in his bones, you're wrong. He watched the weather forecast.
Bank owner: If you want to start a bank account, I need your name.
Guy: Robin
Bank owner: Your last name?
Guy: Debank
Bank owner: Robin Debank?
Guy: Put your hands up and give me all the money!
If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.
Memes
If my boobies are fish, then am I salmon boobies? Please give generously.
What's a chair's favorite snack?
Chair-ies or Cherries if that's how you wanna spell it .3.
If you want any pictures of cheese for your laptop, I've got enough to Philadelphia.
A man once ate the left side of a person. One guy watching asked if the guy he was eating was okay. The man eating him said, "No... it's okay, he's all right now."
If you start at a bait shop, you're an amateur baiter, but once you achieve the highest level, you become a master baiter. Now buy a shrimp boat and become a master baiter on a shrimp boat.
What do a bungee jump and a hooker have in common?
They’re both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you’re pretty much screwed.
If you're bored, punch an orphan, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Has anybody else noticed that out of nowhere there are always tons of people online? It's kinda trippy if I'm being honest.
If they made a movie about your sex life, what would it be?
In Afghanistan, it would be "Twelve Years a Slave!" 🤣
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
If she’s old enough to smoke, She’s old enough to choke.
If she’s old enough to pee, She’s old enough for me.
Roses are red, violets are blue, If I slapped you, that’d be animal abuse.
(To a thief) If you like taking things, how about you take my life?
Don't be sad if you miss a shot when you yell "Kobe." He didn't make it either.
Warning: if you don't like gummy bears, DO NOT READ.
Q: What do you call a Mexican gummy bear?
A: Delici-Oso