If jokes

If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it a la mode.

If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?

What am I if my neck is covered in red bumps, my ears are the size of a giant corn cob, my skin is ruby red, my eyes are bloodshot, I have green skin, and fur growing all over my body? Horribly ugly.

Life is like a box of chocolates. It gets finished pretty quickly if you're a fat guy.

The West is dying...just like the romance of an empire, especially the western part of the empire. Funny that, 'cause the East was going strong.

If your nose runs and your feet smell, you are probably built upside down.

Son: Dad, if I told you I was gay, would you still love me?

Dad: Don’t be silly son, you were an accident. I never loved you in the first place.

Sonic says if you're ever born, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

I think about my life, and then I think about death. I prefer death. If you ask me, life is just a time when you die. Basically, death is life, meaningless 0-0.

Fineman, Einstein, and Schrodinger walked into a bar.

Fineman says, "It appears we're inside a joke."

Einstein says, "But only to an observer who saw us walk in simultaneously."

To which Schrodinger says, "If someone's looking through the window, I'm leaving!"

If I was God, my parents would be anesthetists.

I asked a man if I was the fastest gun in the west. He said my 17 wasn't good enough. After that, a lot of lead went into his head.

If reincarnation is correct, if you die now, you can be reborn and live a second life. If you were born in Ukraine, you can immediately live a third life.

I wonder if Stephen Hawking was an organ donor, because I need new parts for my go-kart.

If you kick an orphan, what are they gonna do? Tell their parents on you?

I asked an American if their national anthem was "Pumped Up Kicks."

Orphans can be a robber if they want because their parents won't be disappointed.

I jump and jump if you put bread in me too many times. What am I? A toaster.

This is not a joke, nor did I come up with it.

If somebody calls you ugly, just hug them and say, "Life must be hard for you since you have visual impairment!"

If an orphan takes a selfie, it is a family photo.