If jokes

If you get out of the shower clean, how does your towel get dirty?

If wishes were horses, Beggars would ride.

If turnips were watches, I would wear one by my side.

And if if's and an's were pots and pans, The tinker would never work!

I was doing a race, and I started after everyone 'cause I fell, but when I got up I realized I couldn't even race, not because I was behind, but because I can't go straight if I'm gay...

If you kayak with a cap on and the kayak capsizes, whether or not the cap falls off depends on the cap size.

If Kobe missed a shot, his helicopter will too.

Two friends fighting.

Friend 3: "Cut it out, you two!"

Friend 4: "It wouldn't help if they cut it out... Believe me... I've tried..."

Think about how many more girls we guys could get if we talked to them how we talk to other guys, like when they say, "Can I borrow a pencil?" You say, "You can borrow this hard wood dick."

How do you know if your sister's on her period?

Your dad's dick tastes funny.

What's worse than fingering your sister?

Finding your dad's wedding ring inside her.

If you are going to bully anyone, then bully an orphan, because what are they going to do? Tell their parents?

My ex was an orphan as a child.

I should have taken that as the first sign.

If her parents didn’t want her, why would I?

The youngest of the Twin Towers said, "Goodbye, brotha." But the one who got hit, which is the oldest, said, "If I go down, you go with me!"

If you were to drop an emo and a leaf off a tree, who would hit the ground first?

The leaf, because the emo is always hanging.

True fact: School shooters aren’t dangerous to you if you're the school shooter.

If someone says nobody asked, you could say, "Well, nobody asked for you to talk!"

Yep, if someone says to you, "I can't roast trash," say, "Well, some trash is used for recycling, and that is why you have a baby brother!"

If Bruce Willis (the guy in the Christmas movie Die Hard) dies of a Viagra overdose, would that mean he truly dies hard?

If you can't stand the heat, sit!

If 6 was afraid of 7 because 7 ate 9, then why was 10 afraid?

Because 10 was in the middle of 9/11.

What do you call it if you find an old organ keyboard on the side of the road?

Organ harvesting.

If you kill a killer, the same amount of killers in the room stays the same.