Identity jokes

What do you call a selfie that is taken by an orphan?

Answer: A family photo.

What do you call a cow that is secret?

AnonyMOOus.

Me: tries to scan self at Walmart. I can't scan myself, wanna know why?

Alfred: Why?

Me: because I'm worthless... =)

What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?

Family photo! :)

What do you call two gay Irishmen?

Patrick Fitz Gerald, and Gerald Fitz Patrick.

Kasper is gay.

Tyler is ugly.

If you are called Tyler, change your name.

What was the guy with no arms, legs, or a head name?

Matt.

I am a motherfucker.

Q: What did one gay cowboy say to the other gay cowboy?

A: Hayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

So one day, I took a trip to Russia and saw Vladimir Putin walking in the streets without any bodyguards. Seeing as how I looked just like him, we switched places for a few days.

After two days, some officer came up to me and asked if we were going to project блять, and I said yes, and the officer said, "God help us."

So a day later, I heard on the news that every other continent and the moon were destroyed. I then approached the officer and said, "I thought you meant we were having a giant orgy." He said, "We did, and that we were extremely drunk."

Me and my emo group were walking down to the tree and somebody yelled, "Don't leave me!"

My girlfriend's a porn star.

She'd kill me if she found out.

Gay.

The bully: You're gay.

The nerd: I am.

The bully: Yeah.

The nerd: Then what are you?

My name is Martha.

China has a population of a billion people. One billion.

That means even if you’re a one in a million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you.

Gays, blacks, and your maw, mate.

Grammar: It's the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit.

This man has been through all kinda shit in his life. So one day, he finally looks at himself in the mirror and says, "If another person looks at me again, I'm going to kill myself." He looks at himself and no one ever heard from him again.